


A Reason To Believe

by BourbonBoredom



Category: BlacKkKlansman (2018)
Genre: F/M, Falling in love at the most inconvenient time, Flip Zimmerman: Bachelor to Lovesick Puppy, It's the 70's and this movie is about the KKK people are gonna say awful shit, Jewish Character, Period-Typical Anti-Semitism, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Racism, Period-Typical Sexism, Rosh Hashanah
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-09-27 16:36:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17165459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BourbonBoredom/pseuds/BourbonBoredom
Summary: Being an undercover officer is a perilous job and Flip Zimmerman knows this far too well. He keeps his romantic life limited to one-night stands, never letting anyone get too close. That all starts to change when he meets a vivacious Jewish woman named Elle just as he’s about to take on a seriously dangerous  undercover job; infiltrating the KKK. Elle and his undercover work make him question things he’d never thought to before and challenge him to see the world, and himself, in a whole new light.





	1. The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

_The first time ever I saw your face_

_I thought the sun rose in your eyes_

_And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave_

_To the dark and the endless skies_

_\-------------------_

 

Flip Zimmerman’s wallet was about to hurt.

“Eight cans of Coors, please,” He requested of the bartender as he leaned his large frame against the counter.

“Not all for yourself, I hope,” The bartender responded, eyebrows raising at the desired quantity.

“No, I’m out with coworkers. It’s my turn to get the round, you know?”

The bartender nodded and began grabbing cans from behind the bar, setting each down on the counter with a  _clunk_. Each clunk was another dollar out of his paycheck this week. He’d manage though. After all, it was tradition.

The Colorado Springs Police Department’s Detective Division had this protocol for whenever an undercover case was closed. No one remembers when it started, or what case it started with, but the detective’s would all cram into a dive bar down the street from the station to celebrate. The catch? The lucky guy to crack the case had to buy the first round.

As luck would have it, Flip Zimmerman was the one to bust a dealer on the east side of the city earlier that day, and so there he was buying more Coors than he could carry back to his team.

After all the beers were balancing precariously in his arms and the money was slipped across the slightly sticky counter to the bartender, he made his way back to his comrades. There was a sly murmur of approval as he set down the beers one by one around the table, saving the last one for himself. A hand slapped his back as he sat on the worn leather seat of his chair.

“You done good Flip,” Larry congratulated him as he took back his hand to crack open his beer. Larry was known for keeping to himself, any praise from him was something to write home about.

“It was nothin’” he shrugged, he had just doing his job.

It had been a small case compared to some of the others going on at the station. Some small-time drug dealers, who were way too friendly to Flip’s undercover alias, spilled the beans way sooner than he originally anticipated. The arrest had gotten a little messy, as it tends to when a perp tries to run, but overall the case was a huge success for the department.

And so here Flip sat, emptying his wallet to pay for his own celebration. He was glad to though, welcoming the sounds of them laughing and talking around him while relishing the faint smell of stale beer and cigarettes that colored the bar. The lighting was dim and the floor was a little wet from spilled drinks but he was happy to be apart of this tradition, to be part of a team.

A breeze drifted through the bar, causing Flip to turn his head toward the door. It was the first week of September, the sun had begun setting earlier and the leaves were starting to turn a brilliant yellow but the summer heat was holding on just a little longer. In with the breeze walked a group of women, looking like a breath of fresh air themselves.

All were pretty in their own right, their hair was styled and their outfits carefully chosen for a night on the town. As they sat down at the bar counter, one of the women caught Flip’s eye. He stared at her for a moment while she sat at the counter with her friends. She must have felt his eyes on her because she turned took back at him, her big brown eyes shining with amusement. He knew he should stop, but he couldn’t look away. She made the decision for him as she turned back to talk to her friends, but not before she cocked her eyebrow and smiled at him. His heart skipped a beat and for a moment he thought he’d imagined it. He brought his attention back to his table, listening to the detectives talk about their days.

A few minutes later his felt his gaze drift back over to the bar counter. She hadn’t looked back at him yet and he took the time to really take her in. Her dark hair fell in loose curls down her shoulders, standing out against the white turtleneck clinging to her figure. While her friends were wearing dresses, she sported a pair of trousers that were tight through the waist and hips before flaring at the leg. A pair of high heeled penny loafers rested on the brass bar at the base of the counter.

His eyes roamed back up her body, taking in how her clothes clung to her frame. He was lost in thought, imagining how those curls would look fanned out on a pillow, how it would feel to run his hands over her curves.

“If you’re gonna eye fuck her all night, let us at least get you a room,” His partner Jimmy’s voice broke through his thoughts.

He quickly realized she had noticed him staring at her again and was now making direct eye contact with him, her mouth forming a little half smile as though she was trying not to laugh.

“Shut up,” He mutters at Jimmy, trying to brush off being caught by not only the girl, but by his coworkers. He felt his ears flush under his hair and he turned his body so he wouldn’t be tempted to look again.

“Look at him, actin’ like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar” Larry chuckled.

“So you gonna go talk to her or are you just gonna ogle her all night?” Jimmy asked.

“We’re here to celebrate, drink your beer,” Flip directs, trying to take the focus off himself.

“Not gonna ask her out? Afraid you might be losing your touch there?” One of the older detectives teased.

“It has been a while since we had a girl wander into the station looking for you,” Jimmy noted, a smirk on his face.

Flip was well aware of what they were referring to, but he was not happy about it being brought up. He had gained a reputation in the office for sleeping around. He tried to keep his one-night-stands to one night but sometimes his clingier partners would come around the station asking for him. Jimmy would always politely tell the girl that Flip was out on assignment while he hid in the records room for a few minutes.

“I’m not losing anything,” he shot back.

“Then stop making eyes at that girl and buy her a drink. Look, her friends are getting up, go talk to her!” his partner gave him a push out of the seats as his coworkers laughed.

Her friends walked out the front door, pulling packs of cigarettes out of their purses, while his girl continued to sit at the bar. She had been examining the bottles behind the counter, taking leisurely sips of her drink.

He shot his coworkers a look, regaining his balance. He straightened his back and ran a hand through his hair as he made his way to the bar. He came up beside her, catching a whiff of her perfume as he leaned on the counter. Floral scents radiated off her as she turned her head to look at him.

“Is this seat taken?” He asked her.

“Not at the moment,” she responded, looking up at him from under her lashes.

He slid into the seat next to her, both of them sitting parallel to one another. He noticed how her frame was dwarfed by his. She looked so small next to him, but held herself in a way that denounced any notion of fragility. She held a cocktail glass in her hand, the drink mostly ice at this point.

“Can I get you another drink?” He asked.

She let out a short laugh that nearly startled him.

“You’re right to the point huh? No name needed, just straight to drinking?”

"Do you give shit to every guy who flirts with you?” He asked, a confused smile forming on his face.

He was kind of stunned, he hadn’t ever been questioned on his flirting style before, much less by the girl he was trying to flirt with.

“Only the cute ones,” she responded. “What’s your name, sugar?”

“Flip,”

“Flip?” Her eyebrow cocked again.

“It’s a nickname. My real name is Phillip,” he explained.

“Cute,” she commented. “I’m Eliana, but I’m actually gonna turn down your drink for now. I’m on my friend’s tab and she owes me another still,“

"That’s fair,” he said, preparing himself for a rejection. He wasn’t rejected often, but he liked to make a quick exit when it happened. Much to his surprise, the next words from her mouth weren’t a rehearsed dismissal.

“I see you’ve got a big group over there. You celebrating something?”

“You could say that,” he kept his words vague, he didn’t like telling girls initially he was a cop. It was a polarizing profession after all, and he’d had enough girls trying to find him at the station to know to keep it on the down low.

“Well congratulations. Maybe I should be the one buying you a drink then,” she flagged down the bartender.

“You don’t need to do that. I’m not strapped for cash,” he spoke more hurriedly than he would have liked. He’d never hear the end of it from the guys if a girl bought him a drink.

“We’ll buy our own drinks then?” she asked him. He nodded in response, finding it a fair-but-odd compromise. She turned to the bartender to order.

“Cuba Libre please,”

“Finger of whiskey,” he told the bartender, who nodded and got to work on the drinks as they kept talking.

“So do you come here often?” He asked.

“It’s my first time, I’m new in town and my coworkers are showing me around,” she said, resting her arm on the bar so she could face him. Her curls leaned with her, tumbling into her face. She moved them back over her shoulder.

“Oh? Where were you before this?”

“Indiana, but I’m from New York originally,”

“The state or the city?”

“The city,” she laughed. “Do you know it?”

“No, but I’d like to,” he said. He’d never been out east before.

He’d heard of New York City, seemingly the center of the universe. It was a melting pot of just about every culture in the world, and the home to many of the biggest celebrities in the country currently. It was also one of the most dangerous places to live. Newspaper headlines made their way around the states concerning the crime level in the city. NYPD officers seemed to drop like flies some months. He was thankful he lived in a relatively uneventful area whenever he read those articles. The girl before him seemed to be on the tougher side, with her bold attitude and quick wit. But it was hard to imagine she grew up in such a rough place when she smiled so sweetly.

“It’s different from here. Louder. Busier,” she commented. “I like the change in pace”

“I’m glad you’re liking it here,” he said.  _If she likes it she’ll stick around_ , he thought to himself.

The bartender came back and they paid for their drinks separately. Elle mentioned to the bartender to put her’s on her friends tab.

“You think it’s weird I didn’t let you pay,” she noted, taking a sip, staring Flip down as she did.

“Well not to be That Guy, but It’s not every day I get turned down,” he responded, taking a sip of his own.

“I didn’t turn you down,” she countered, pointing a finger at him. “I turned the drink down. Unless you think I’ll need another to get through a conversation with you?”

She was teasing him again. He liked it. When he usually approached women at the bar, it became a delicate game of dancing around the fact he wanted to go home with her. Elle wasn’t playing that game. She wasn’t playing any game.

“I think the one drink will cut it,” he said. “It’s gotta be a strong one though. Thankfully, the bartender is a little heavy-handed on his pouring here, especially when he sees the girl is talking to me,”

She laughed. He liked making her laugh.

“So this is your usual pick up spot, huh? How’s that usually go for you?” she leaned in closer, her voice lowering as if she were waiting for him to tell her a secret.

“Pretty well, I’d say. I haven’t heard any complaints,” he left as much to her imagination as he could. What was the fun in letting her know everything now?

“Maybe they just don’t want to hurt your feelings,” she licked her lips. “I know i’d find it hard to with your friends staring at us like this,”

He followed her gaze to the officers in their booth who had stopped conversation to watch their resident bachelor in action. He knew most of his coworkers were married, and they seemed to be vicariously living through him at the moment. He looked back at her, slightly embarrassed that they had an audience.

“Sorry about them, they’re married and nosy,” he told her, keeping his voice low so they couldn’t hear.

“Don’t worry, they’ve stopped looking. We caught them in the act,” she whispered conspiratorially.

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” he gave another glance, watching a few pairs of eyes drift back toward them.

“Maybe you should go back and check on them?” she asked, sliding her hand to rest on his knee as if she didn’t really want him to go.

“I can think of a hundred other places I’d rather go,” he said as he felt her hand ghost up his thigh before settling back on the counter.

“Oh yeah? I’d love to hear what you have in mind,” she took another sip of her drink.

They were inches apart, the two of them migrating closer together as they spoke until they were practically touching. It felt as though electricity was building up between the two of them and if they were to touch, lighting would strike right there in the bar.

He wanted her. Badly. He wanted to make her scream his name all night and then spend the next morning drinking coffee while they exchanged quips. Eliana was trouble in the best way possible, he could feel it.

The front door creaked open and Flip watched as one of Eliana’s friends came back inside, making a beeline for her. She spots Flip sitting next to her and promptly ignores him, clearly not interested in hearing anything about him. She taps Eliana’s shoulder to get her attention before speaking. Eliana’s head whipped around, her curls springing with the sudden movement.

“Betsy wants to head on home, she’s got an awful migraine. We grabbed a cab, it’s waiting outside,” Her friend spoke just loud enough for Flip to hear.

"So soon?” Eliana asked, sounding a little disappointed.

“Don’t worry, we’ll take you out another night. Now come on, we gotta go. The meter’s running,” Her friend slapped some cash on the counter and motioned to the bartender that it was to close her tab.

“Guess thats my cue. It was nice to meet you,” Eliana said, hopping off her barstool and smoothing out her clothes. “You said this is your regular place, right?”

“Yeah, should I be on the lookout for you?” He asked.

“Maybe you should be,” she winked. Her friend tugged at her hand as she walked toward the door. “See ya around Flip,”

“See ya around, Eliana,” he mumbled as she disappeared out the door, another gust of warm air filling the small bar as she went.

He took a deep breath, smelling faint traces of her perfume in the air, before heading back over to his coworkers. He was bound to be bombarded with an officer-worthy round of questions but the conversation with Eliana had been worth it. He knew he probably shouldn’t look for trouble, which girls often could be in his line of work, but he was gonna have a hard time not looking for her.


	2. Sit Yourself Down

_When I get restless, what can I do?_  
_When I need someone, I think about you_  
_I got to move on, not fade away_  
_I’m only just growin’ a little each day_

_I got to quit this runnin’ ‘round_  
_Never gonna get rid of these blues_  
_I got to find somebody to love_  
_Slow me down, yeah_  
_Look out now_

_\------_

Flip was perpetually single by choice. The work he did as an undercover officer was dangerous and not always easy to explain. Dating anyone would just be too complicated. It was better to just have flings, no strings attached. Or at least that’s what he told himself as he sat at the bar for the third time that week.

It’s not like he was waiting for Eliana to walk in the door and pick up their conversation where they left off. He was just there to have a beer. He had one every night anyway to let some steam off from his job, granted it was usually at home. But why not get out a little bit? He could use the change of scenery. And if she happened to drop by, that was cool too.

The front door would open and his eyes would dart to the entrance, watching to see who was walking in. A man would come in, stumbling off his shift to find solace between work and home. A few women had walked in that night, laughing as they sat at a table near the front. His heart skipped a beat when he saw a head of brown hair. He is excitement was quickly settled when the woman turned her head and Elle’s face wasn’t there.

He would catch himself thinking about her from time to time at work. He’d remember her soft brown curls falling in her face. How her big brown eyes seemed to light up when she laughed. How talking to her was like talking to an old friend. But he could stop himself from thinking about her anytime he wanted, he was just indulging himself. He wasn’t going to get caught up on a girl he didn’t even get into bed with.

But by the end of the night, he felt properly defeated. She wasn’t gonna come back, it had just been wishful thinking. He finished his beer and flagged down the bartender to pay his tab.

“I was in here with a girl a couple days ago. She had brown hair and was wearing a white turtleneck?” He figured it wouldn’t hurt to try to ask the bartender, a last ditch effort.

“Yeah I remember,” the bartender said, taking Flip’s money.

“Have you seen her around since?” He tried to play it cool. Not make it obvious that she’s the reason he wasn’t in his apartment drinking Coors and watching tv right now like any other self-respecting man on a Sunday night.

“Can’t say I have, sorry bud,”

Flip nodded his thanks and put a good tip on the bar counter before heading out. It was a warm night outside, the street had a few people still wandering about. He walked to his car, a beat up Chevy pick up truck, and slid in the drivers seat. The engine rumbled to life and he began his slow drive home.

He tried not to think of her as he weaved through the streets of Colorado Springs. It had just been one night. One girl on one night, nothing special. There would be other girls, he told himself. He never had any trouble with that. He parked his car in the lot for his apartment and made his way upstairs.

His place was pretty small, and decidedly bachelor’s pad. It was sparsely decorated, with just some mementos from his time in the military and a few family photos. It was a little messy, with casework papers strewn across his couch and coffee mugs lining his kitchen counter. He never had women over, so there wasn’t much of a need to keep it tidy.

He’d always go to his hookup’s place, it was easier that way. The next morning he could wake up and say he was late to work and rush out before any other plans could be made. Flip hadn’t made it to a third date in the last year or so, ditching it before it could get too serious.

He stripped off his button down and slacks before collapsing into bed. He lay under the covers, listening to the city outside his window. It was dark aside from a few streetlights below illuminating the pavement. It felt lonely sometimes, coming home to nothing in particular. He’d catch himself thinking about coming home to a girl cooking dinner for the two of them, smiling as he came through the door. He never really had a particular girl in mind, it was more of a dream than anything.

But this night, that girl had brown hair and big brown eyes.

He shoved the thought from his head and went to sleep.

————

The next morning him and his partner had to drive out to the hospital. He met up with Jimmy at the station before the two of them took his Chevy to the coffee shop. After they had their paper cups of coffee fisted in their freezing hands, they made their way to their objective: St. Francis Medical Center.

Flip’s last undercover case had gone smoothly enough. Everyone was arrested and were heading to court for drug charges. There was just one exception. One of the dealers he’d been with had tried to grab a gun off an officer and run for it. In the process, he shot at a cop, missed, and jumped off a fire escape, seriously injuring himself. He was currently sitting in a private room at St. Francis, recovering before he could be taken to jail.

Miraculously, Flip’s cover hadn’t been blown in all the commotion. As far as the suspects knew, he’d escaped the cops and was laying low until it blew over. Chief Bridges wanted to take advantage of this, using his intact undercover status to possibly get more information out of the injured suspect while he was healing and get his medical records so they could show it was an accident.

The hospital was quiet that morning, his footsteps echoing against the floor as we walked to the nurse’s desk. A young woman sat filing paperwork, she looked up as he approached.

“I’m looking for Jacob Kukowski,” he said, flashing his badge before stuffing back in his front pocket.

He almost never dressed in uniform for his job, something he was thankful for. The detective branch had a casual dress code, with most of the guys opting for jeans over slacks. He was grateful he could wear a flannel and a pair of jeans instead of the scratchy polyester of the officers uniform. A wire was taped to his undershirt under the flannel, something his partner helped him with in the parking lot. The receiver sat in his pocket, with Jimmy holding the recorder under his arm.

“Room 311. Try not to rile him up too much officer, his blood pressure hasn’t been great,” the woman warned him, a well-manicured finger pointing his way.

He said his thanks and walked toward the room. Jimmy stayed at the desk to gather Kukowski’s file from the nurse and to pick up anything he could on the wire Flip was currently wearing. Flip wasn’t allowed to lead him toward any sort of declaration, that could invalidate anything said to him. So he’d have to shoot the shit with this guy and he’d hopefully talk himself into a proper prison sentence.

He found the room at the end of the hall, no officer stationed outside. The injuries must have been intense enough that they didn’t think he was a flight risk. He peeked in to see only one bed filled, the other stripped clean and vacant. His perp was in bed, propped up with pillows and covered in plaster casts. His naked arm was handcuffed to the railing of the bed, not that he could really get anywhere.

“Kukowski,” he said simply as he entered the room. The weary man looked at him, expression becoming more animated.

“Well look at you, you sonofabitch. How the fuck you’d get in here without a nurse stoppin’ you?“ Jacob asked, straightening himself up to get a better look at Flip.

"Nice to see you too. And there’s no one out there. How the hell did you get caught?”

“Some fuckin’ snitch ratted me out,” he groaned

“Fuck man, I’m sorry, that blows,” Flip tried to sound as sympathetic as possible.

“Listen Matt, I want you to get rid of the rest of my stuff. I got a special batch hidden away, it was meant to go to a new client. None of these small-time junkies,” Kukowski said in a hushed tone, calling Flip by the alias he’d been using. He clearly didn’t want to waste any time, he got right down to business.

“What makes it special? Who am I getting it to?” Flip asked. He figured Kukowski was planning on partnering with him at some point, but after he was already arrested? This guy was dumber than he originally thought.

Kukowski beckoned him closer with his cuffed hand.

“Now, I don’t know if I should say who the buyer is. But the horse? It’s beautiful,” Kukowski’s eyes were bloodshot, but shining with excitement.

“This buyer wanted me to come up with something new. The stuff I usually deal is cut with Asprin, which doesn’t do much to a person. If anything, I’m keepin’ my customers healthy,” He continued.

“Yeah, sure,” Flip was pretty sure that heroin had the opposite effect, despite what else you put in it, but he wasn’t about to argue.

“This new stuff, is the exact opposite. It’s meant to look harmless, it tastes just like the real shit. Basically undetectable unless you’re gonna test it in a lab. But it could kill a man in minutes,” Kukowski was smiling way too enthusiastically while talking, Flip’s skin crawled under his collar, but he let him continue to incriminate himself.

 “The secret? it’s cut with a fuckload of caffeine powder. Makes it look like the poor guy died of a heart attack instead of an overdose,”

“But why do that? Seems bad for business to me,” Flip said, motioning to his pack of cigarettes to ask if his target wanted one. He shook his head and Flip tapped the pack to knock a cig into his hand.

“Let’s just say this buyer’s business is a little…different from ours. They don’t like repeat clients,”

“That’s fuckin’ strange, what kinds operation are they runnin’?” He lit his cigarette, taking a long draw of smoke into his lungs and holding it there for a moment.

“A Wise One, if you catch my drift,” Kukowski winked at his supposed friend.

Oh.  _Oh_ , this was too good.

Flip let the smoke out of his lungs, choosing his words carefully as he spoke again.

“Are you tellin’ me you’re sellin’ to the mob, Kukowski?” He said quietly, just loud enough for Jimmy to pick up through the wire.

“A small-time contact. But if this works out we could be very rich men very soon,”

“Well, whats this contact’s name? Where’s the stuff? We gotta set this up and get you some bail money,” Flip said, taking another drag.

“Johnny Bianchi, he’s up in Denver. My supplies is in that storage unit I was tellin’ you about, along with some cash I’ve already got tucked away. That’s the bail money, the rest is for us my friend!”

Flip could barely believe it. This guy had not only solidified he was a dealer, but that he was producing and selling a deadlier version of his drugs to the Mafia with the intent to kill. He wondered if the office was going to make him buy another round that night. Does it count when its still technically the same case?

“Well that’s a swell plan Kukowski, I gotta tell ya,” Flip said, getting off the hospital bed. The smoke from his cigarette trailed behind him as he moved to the windows at the far end of the room. “What do you think Jimmy? Will it work out for him?”

Kukowski’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. His body tensed up as much as it could being covered in plaster.

“I think it’s got some holes to it, but we can always take another listen later in court,” Jimmy’s voice came from the hallway followed by a loud shush from the nurse behind the desk.

Kukowski’s face went from confusion to realization to rage in just a few moments. Flip almost wished he could’ve taken a picture.

"You set me up!” He struggled against his restraints, his casts making it difficult for him to make much progress.

“Hey, you should give yourself more credit, you did most of the heavy lifting in that conversation. I think our friends up at the Denver PD will be thankful for the tip off,”

“I’ll fuckin’ kill you!” He was practically frothing at the mouth.

“You were already read your rights once, but I’ll say them again seeing as you clearly weren’t listening the first time. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to have an attorney, if you cannot afford an attorney, one can be appointed to you to represent- ” was as far as Flip made it before he was cut off by a deafening scream.

Kukowski thrashed wildly in his bed, incomprehensible threats sputtering from his mouth. Flip watched as the IV glass began to sway from the force, threatening to tip over and break.

“Nurse!” He called over the screaming of his suspect. He knew he couldn’t get close enough to subdue him without getting injured himself.

Two nurses ran into the room at top speed, rushing to steady the equipment and the man. He continued to thrash despite the hold the women had on him. Flip stood out of the way, backed up against the far wall. Maybe this wasn’t the best way for him to drop his cover.

“We need a sedative!” One of the women called out into the hallway.

A few moments later, another nurse rushed to the room holding a small jar and a needle.

“How much?” She asked hurriedly, looking from the distressed patient to the distressed nurse.

“1 milligram!“ The other nurse shouted back, trying to hold his cast down to prevent any further injury. “There’s no time to inject into the fluid, we need it intravenous!”

“Well shit, Carol! He’s covered in plaster that’s gonna take a second!” 

“Don’t curse! Just find an area, quick!”

"I’ll fucking kill you!” Kukowski continued to shout, choking on his own spit, voice becoming more garbled. “I’ll fucking kill you you god damn pig! You fuckin’-”

His voice died out and his eye rolled back into his head. Slowly he slumped back into the mattress. The woman had stuck him with the syringe, pulling it gently out of his neck once empty. The women sighed a breath of relief, backing away from the patient to get a better idea of what just happened.

“What the fuck?” The nurse holding the syringe looked to her coworkers, pushing a lock of hair back into her cap. “Why the fuck was he screaming about pigs?”

“This man over here, who needs to vacate the room immediately, by the way. I believe I specifically asked him  _not_ to raise the patient’s blood pressure,” the nurse who had been at the desk said in a clipped tone, staring down Flip.

The other two nurses turned to look at the source of their strife, noticing the man who’d been standing against the wall with a lit cigarette and a shocked expression. He made his way over to Kukowski’s bed once more, stubbing out his cig on an ashtray. The nurse who was holding the syringe made direct eye contact with him, her big brown eyes widening upon seeing him.

“ _You’re_  the pig?” She blurted out.

Realization clicked in his brain as he focused on her. This couldn’t be happening right now.

“Eliana?”

He hadn’t recognized her. Her long curly hair was held back in a tight roll and covered by a nurse’s cap. Her uniform matched with the others in the room, a stark white dress that stepped above the knee with a matching apron.

“You know this guy?” The other nurse asked.

“Barely. You guys make sure the patient is okay, I’ll take care of _him_ ,” she said, grabbing him by the arm and shepherding him out of the room.

He was too shocked to stop her as they went down the corridor, passing his partner on the way.

"What the fuck just happened in there? It sounded like a fuckin’ murder spree,” He hissed.

"I’ll explain later,” he ripped his wire off himself and threw it toward his partner.

“Where are you going?” He asked as Elle dragged Flip further down the hall.

“I said later!“ He yelled back as she pushed him into a spare room.

She was surprisingly strong, her shove causing him to stumble a little as he entered the vacant room. Beds were set up to house two patients but both remained empty. She closed the door behind them and turned to look at him. Even though he was half a foot taller than her, she straightened her spine and rested her hands on her hips as she spoke.

"Are you stalking me?” She questioned him.

“What?” He spat out.

“You’re at my job. I didn’t tell you where I work but here you are, were you stalking me?”

“No! Of course not! I’m a cop, hence the yelling about pigs. I’m here with my partner for work, that guy I was talking to was a suspect in a drug ring. And as of five minutes ago, wanted for working with the mob,”

“Do you usually rile up mobsters like that? That seemed pretty fucking stupid,”

“ _Christ_ , you’ve got a mouth on you,”

“And after you work him into a frenzy, why not send in the nurses? Have you ever tried to sedate a man actively trying to kill someone? Do you know how hard it is to jab someone with a needle full of a very specific amount of sedative into a very specific area?” She continued her interrogation, choosing to ignore his comment. The hand holding the syringe pointed toward him accusingly.

“Can you please put the needle down when you’re talking?”

She slammed it down on a bedside table.

“Can you please not fuck with my patients?”

“Well sorry, it wasn’t intentional. I was just trying to do my job,”

“Yeah? Well try harder next time,” she spat out, looking annoyed.

He was quiet for a moment, taking in her new appearance. She looked much different than she had at the bar. Her turtleneck and pants had been replaced with a tidy nurse uniform. Her heels were replaced with sensible loafers, shaving a few inches off her height. Even standing straight, she only came to his collarbone. Her fiery spirit remained the same though, if not a little more intimidating as she stood by the needle.

“I didn’t know you were a nurse,” he said quietly.

“Didn’t know you were a cop,” she responded, her expression softening just a fraction.

“Is that a problem?” He asked, half-expecting her to be angry with him.

“Only if you keep getting in the way of my job,” she responded. “He might be a criminal but he can’t go to jail if you give him a heart attack and he dies,”

“Noted,” he gave a small smile.

She returned it.

“Haven’t seen you around the bar,” he said.

“So you were looking? You sure you aren’t stalking me?” She raised an eyebrow.

“No, I just-” he didn’t want to look like he’d spent the last couple of nights intentionally looking out for her.

“It’s okay, I’m just messing with you. I’ve had double shifts the last couple of days so I’ve been too tired to do anything when I get off work,”

“That’s understandable,” he knew what those nights were like, he’s had quite a few of them himself.

He felt a little better about not seeing her around knowing it had been because of work and not him. He wanted to ensure this wouldn’t happen again, he wanted to get to know her better. He was going to ask for her number, maybe take her out on a date. It had been a while since he went on a real date, the idea made him a little nervous.

Suddenly, she stepped closer to him, hand traveling up to his neck. He was startled by the sudden contact, but let her continue. His top buttons came loose as he ripped off his wire, revealing his necklace.

“ _ir’ve eydish?_ ” she asked, holding the Star of David between her delicate fingers.

“What?” He didn’t catch what she had said.

“You’re Jewish?” she seemed to already know the answer judging by her smile.

She removed her hands from his neck to go to her own. She pointed to the delicate chain peeking out of the collar of her uniform, holding a small Star of David pendant.

“There don’t seem to be too many of us around here,”

“Yeah, it’s a pretty small number,” he mused, fixing his shirt and tucking his necklace away.

“Do you have family in town?”

“No, I grew up in Nebraska, but my family moved further south a few years ago,” he wasn’t sure where she was going with that question.

"The next day I have off is for Rosh Hashanah. I’m having one of my coworkers over and her boyfriend, it’s nothing big. But it’s nice to have people around for the holidays, you should come by,”

“I’m uh…my parents, we never really celebrated anything so I’m not really sure how that would go. I wouldn’t want to impose,” he stuttered out. He grew up in a secular family, the only time they celebrated was if they went to visit family elsewhere.

“That’s okay, there’s a first for everything,” she said. She reached for a pen and paper from the clipboard by the bed. “I’m writing down my address and my number, swing by before sundown on Friday, maybe seven-ish?“

"Should I bring anything?” He asked, taking the paper and shoving it in his wallet for safekeeping.

“You could buy me that drink maybe?” She winked at him, opening the door and starting to walk out. “I’m partial to red wine,”

She put the clipboard back and picked up the syringe.

“I have to get back to work, gotta make sure you didn’t mess up my patient’s recovery,” she explained, heading for the door. “I’ll see you Friday?”

She stopped in the door frame, looking back at him, waiting for his answer.

“Friday, before sundown, red wine,” he recited back to her. She smiled and disappeared from view, the sound of her footsteps echoing down the hall.

He left a moment later, as she was turning into Kukowski’s room at the other end of the hall. She looked so composed, her uniform pressed and her hair rolled into submission. She was still smiling as she disappeared into the room.

“Earth to Zimmerman,” A finger snapped in his face, waking him from a trance he didn’t know he was in.

Jimmy was standing in front of him, looking annoyed. The recorder was under his arm and the wires were sticking out of his front pocket.

“What the fuck just happened in there? The nurse marched you into the room looking like she was ready for murder and came out smiling,”

“I think I just got a date,” he responded, feeling awestruck.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know Emergency Medicine is a pretty recent creation? I was originally going to make Eliana an ER nurse but turns out that wasn’t really a thing in the 70′s! It was just starting to become a specialization at the time but most hospitals only had a room or two set aside for emergency cases. Want to learn more? 
> 
> Here's an article about it: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4129827/
> 
> What Eliana is saying?: “ir’ve eydish?” is my best attempt at translating Yiddish into English letters (a rough pronunciation, my family speaks very limited Yiddish but never writes it). She's asking Flip is he's Jewish.


	3. Bei Mir Bistu Shein

_Of all the boys I’ve known, and I’ve known some_

_Until I first met you, I was lonesome_

_And when you came in sight, dear, my heart grew light_

_And this old world seemed new to me  
_

[(x)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe2UXccid40)

_“Grandma said today’s the New Year,” Flip told his mother as he watched her move around the kitchen. She was making dinner so it was ready for dad as soon as he came home.  
_

_She smelled of perfume, as always, and was immaculately dressed while making cooking, as always. He sat at the kitchen table, his legs swinging from his seat, not quite able to touch the ground yet. His growth spurt wouldn’t happen until seven years later when he reached thirteen._

_“Did she now?” His mother’s voice had just a hint of annoyance, one Flip didn’t yet recognize. And so he powered on.  
_

_“She told me on the phone last week. She said we should call her today so say Luh-Sannatovah–”  
_

_“Luh-sha-NAH tov-AH,” She corrected him, opening the oven door. “And we don’t celebrate that, Grandma knows this,”_

_“But why not? We’re Jewish aren’t we?”  
_

_“We don’t celebrate it Phillip, don’t ask again please,” her voice was clipped but dangerous. The roast pan clattered as she slammed it on the stove top._

_“Don’t mention this to your father when he gets home, the last thing he needs is to hear you bringing this up,”  
_

_Flip stopped swinging his legs. He_ _kept his mouth shut from then on about the holiday from then on._

_————_

As promised Flip was at the apartment before sundown, a bottle of red wine in hand. He parked his truck on the street outside the plain brick building. He looked from the sheet of paper with her address, it said she was on the third floor. He looked up to the windows, hoping to maybe catch a glance of her before making his way into the building.

He went up the old rickety staircase, the steps groaning under his weight. He opens the door to the third floor hallway and looks for her apartment number. As he walked he could hear the different tenants going about their night. One room had a tv blaring the latest variety show, another had the game playing in the radio as some kids were running around. He finally reached her apartment door, music drifting into the hallway.

He knocked on the door and awkwardly looked around while waiting for her to open the door. He noticed a tiny brass object hammered into her door frame, just at his eye level. It was a mezuzah, which had parts of the Torah inscribed on a piece of paper inside in order to bless the home. He vaguely remembered his grandmother instructing him to touch it before coming into someone’s home. He placed his fingertips to it gently, feeling the cool metal under his skin. In that moment he heard a lock unlatch and he pulled his hand back to his side right before door swing open in front of him.

“Hey you,” Eliana looked up at him, opening the door wider. “Come on in, you’re the first one here,”

“Hi Eliana–”

“You can call me Elle,” She interjected, walking further into the space.

 “Elle. It smells good in here,” he following her into the kitchen.

He noted she was wearing a pair of chords and a simple blouse, her Star of David necklace hanging freely now that it was unrestricted by a uniform. Her hair was half pulled back and she was barefoot. For a moment he wondered if he should have taken off his shoes but before he could ask she started speaking again.

“Thanks, I’ve been cooking all day. Sorry it’s a bit of a mess in here right now,” she said, moving back to the oven to check on what was cooking inside.

“All day?” He asked.

“All day,” she reaffirmed. “It’s a holiday, and a lot of the traditional foods weren’t really available at the supermarket. So I had to make do,”

She motioned to the kitchen table, which held an impressive amount of food. Round loaves of challah still giving off steam, bowls filled with cooked carrots and potatoes, and another platter of unidentified food filled the small table.

“Well it looks great,” he said, settling the bottle of wine among the feast.

“Thanks! The chicken will be ready soon. I figured that would be friendlier than the customary fish head. Besides, my other friends don’t eat a lot of fish so this was the safest option,“

"Where are your other friends?” He asked, trying to make polite conversation.

“They should be here soon. I think they’re running late, Ruth always seems to be a good ten minutes late to everything. We had to change her watch to be fifteen minutes fast so she could actually get to work on time,” Elle rolled her eyes and lifted herself up to sit on the counter.

The two sat in awkward silence for a moment, the only sound in the kitchen was the record player crooning pre-war tunes. The harmonizing of The Andrews Sisters poured from the speakers, playing a song he hadn’t heard since his childhood.

_Bei mir bist du schön, please let me explain_

_Bei mir bist du schön means you’re grand_

_Bei mir bist du schön, again I’ll explain_

_It means you’re the fairest in the land_

Despite having an obvious attraction to one another, they both realized in that moment they really didn’t know much about the other person.

“So… did you have any trouble finding the place?” she asked.

“No, I have a pretty good idea of where things are here. Police and all,” he responded.

“Yeah, that’d make sense,” she said, seeming like she was kicking herself on the inside.

“Do you need help finishing anything up?” He asked, trying to be polite.

“You could cut some apples with me, I haven’t quite gotten there yet,” she hopped off the counter and pulled a bowl of apples off the counter and placed it between the two of them.

“Knives are in the drawer by your leg,” she pointed. He stepped back and pulled a couple out for them and they got to work.

“So any particular reason for apples? Kinda strange for dinner,” He asked.

“Wow, you were serious about not celebrating, huh?” Elle said, smiling up at him. “Apples slices and honey are eaten together to symbolize having a sweet new year ahead,”

“And the fish head you mentioned?” He asked, almost not wanting an answer.

“You start with the head of the animal, its supposedly good luck. My mother used to go to the market to get sheep head, and would get mad when we wouldn’t eat it,"she grimaced. "I’ll take my chances with the chicken if it means my dinner isn’t gonna be looking at me,”

“Understood,” he said, not wanting to think about that memory.

“My siblings and I would collect the meat in napkins and toss it outside to the neighbor’s dog. My mom thankfully never caught us,”

“You have siblings?”

“An older sister and a younger brother. Rebecca is off living the housewife life with her husband and 4 kids in Brooklyn. Alex is finishing up college in Manhattan,”

“Is it hard being away from them?”

“Sometimes. Is it bad to say but I miss my brother more than my sister? I’m kinda the black sheep of the family, choosing a career over meeting a nice Jewish boy and settling down. Rebecca likes to remind me that my biological clock is ticking, she takes after mama,” she tried to switch the conversation away from her. “How about you? Any siblings?”

“Nope, only child. I do get the settling down question from mom a lot though, that’s seems pretty universal,”

“I guess so,” she laughed. He laughed with her.

“So how did you get all the way to Colorado from New York City? Aren’t most people dying to move to your hometown?”

“New York is my home, and it will always be,” Elle mused. “But after going upstate for college, which was a good eight hours from home, I learned that I really liked my freedom,”

“I was away from my parents for the first time. I was taking classes on things that I actually liked and was making friends, and could wear pants without my mother  _kvetching_  about me looking like my brother! I love my family but being on my own felt great and I didn’t know if I would be able to have that if I stayed in New York. So I took a job in Indiana at a hospital in a small city. I worked there for a few years and heard about a job opening at a hospital in Colorado that desperately needed nurses and was paying more than enough, so I thought why not? So here I am,” she gestured to the room surrounding them.

“That’s brave of you,” he noted.

“I don’t know if its brave so much as I’ve seen my sister’s life as a housewife and its encouraged me to want more. It’s like Betty Friedan said _‘no woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor’—”_

Flip’s lips twisted into a smile and he let out a short laugh. She realized the crassness of her quote and put a hand up to cover her mouth.

“I probably shouldn’t be talking about orgasms during the high holy days,” she laughed.

“I get what you’re saying though. It’s not everyones calling,”

“And your calling is being a cop?” She changed the subject.

“I guess. I joined the military right out of high school. My dad was in the Air Force so it was expected of me. We lived on base in Nebraska, he didn’t retire until I was in my twenties. I did two tours over in Vietnam before coming back to the states and joining the Colorado Springs PD,”

“Is this the wrong time to tell you I spent a lot of time in college and post-grad protesting the war?”

“I mean, I went over there and I served but I didn’t really agree with what was happening by the time I left. A lot of the people around me had been drafted. They didn’t want to be there and were vocal about it, but we kept each other safe enough to get home,”

She was quiet and avoided his gaze. He knew what she was thinking. The country was so polarized about this war. It wasn’t popular by any means. He remembered the welcome he received coming home. Wearing your uniform didn’t feel honorable when people called you a baby-killer as they walked by. He traded in that uniform for a CSPD one, finding it to be one of the only places where people didn’t scowl when they heard his resume.

“I didn’t kill anyone if thats what you’re thinking. My unit wasn’t specialized or anything, we barely saw any action. There isn’t as much going on over there as the news is making it out to be,”

She bit the inside of her lip, cheeks flushing as she took in his words.

“I honestly hadn’t heard anything from anyone who had been over there. I appreciate you being honest about it. Sorry if I came off too strong,”

“It’s okay, I get it. Besides, you can make it up to me with dinner,”

He flashed her a cheeky smile and she shot one back his way. She looked beautiful right now, with her hair up in a loose bun from cooking and apron covering her outfit. He hoped he was appropriately dressed. He’d subbed out his usual flannel and jeans for a dress shirt and slacks. She was about to open her mouth, no doubt to shoot a sarcastic remark his way when she was suddenly interrupted.

The phone rang and she excused herself to go answer it. He found this all strangely relaxing. Slicing apples, the background music, the two of them just chatting and laughing. It was like they’d been doing this together for ages. His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden change in her voice, he eavesdropped into her call in the next room.

“Are you sure? Do you want me to send some soup your way?… No, don’t worry about it, you focus on getting better… Okay, I’ll call you tomorrow then, L'shana Tova…” she said before hanging up the phone and coming back in the kitchen.

“Everything alright?” He asked, putting the apple slices on a plate.

“The girl that was supposed to come, Ruth, she’s really sick and can’t make it. So I think it’s just gonna be us,” she said with an air of uncertainty.

He realized she was nervous. He was practically a stranger, just sitting in her kitchen with this huge meal she’d created. With four people, it would have been a party. With two though, it was more of an awkward date. He tried to receive the tension, let her know he was okay with this.

“Oh. Well, more wine for us then?” He offered.

She broke into a relieved smile.

“More wine for us then,”

——

The sun had just started to sink over the horizon as Flip helped Elle with setting the table, the two extra chairs being dragged back into the small living room. She turned off the radio and motioned for him to sit down as she retrieved a candle that had been burning in the other room.

“You said you’ve never done this before, right? Do you want me to break some of it down for you?” She asked as she came back into the kitchen.

“Uh— yeah. I mean, yes. Please. That’d be great,” he said, wanting to seem at ease with everything that was happening.

She took the unlit candle sticks, set in silver holders, and lit them with the existing flame which she then set on the kitchen counter behind them. She turned back to the table, standing over the candles. After a deep breath through her nose she closed her eyes, waved her hands over the flames and began reciting a prayer.

If Flip was being honest, he didn’t understand anything she was saying. He never went to Hebrew school. The closest was an hour away and his father basically forbid it. There were no celebrations in his house growing up, at least none that were explicitly Jewish. He never thought much of his secular upbringing, but he couldn’t help but feel in awe of the way Elle stood in front of him, speaking a language that was thousands of years old.

She looked so at peace with her movements, the prayers could have meant anything to his inexperienced ears but they sounded reassuring when voiced by her. She moved to gently cover her eyes with her hands as she spoke, shielding them from the light. After she was finished, she placed the candle to the other side of the table away from the food.

“That was for lighting the candles, which is important for most of our holidays. Think of it as a signal that this is a sacred time, separate from the everyday,” She told him. “Could you pass me the wine?”

He handed her the bottle he brought her and she popped it open using a cork screw she had kept on the table. She poured some wine into a small metal cup and motioned for him to pass his own glass. His was filled as well and he listened as she recited another prayer. When she was finished, he wasn’t really sure what to do with it. So he held it, waiting for her to continue.

“Say  _Amen_ , we drink it now. Kiddush cup first,” she winked, taking a sip from the metal cup before passing it to him to do the same.

“That was us blessing the wine before the meal. This is good pick by the way,”

She turned her attention to the challah that was covered with a clean dish towel. She uncovered them and spoke again. Flip was starting to hear familiar words in her prayers, they all seemed to start the same way.

_“Baruch Attah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Haolam…”_

He couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed when she moved around with so much confidence. Elle had clearly been doing this for her whole life, and it made him think about how much of an absence there had been of this in his. There was purpose in her actions, the rituals being practiced were far older than either of them.

She broke off a piece of the challah, handing it to him before taking her own. She dipped it in a small bowl of honey, waiting for him to do the same, before bringing it to her mouth and eating it. He followed suit, met with sweet buttery bread and thick honey on his tastebuds.

“That was the HaMotzi, we’re thanking G-d for providing us bread,” She explained. “There’s one more blessing, and then we can eat. Take one of those apple slices you made and dip it into the honey,”

He did as instructed, mimicking the way she held it upward to keep the honey from dripping. He listened to her sing one more blessing, smiling to himself as he thought of how much he liked hearing her voice.

“Perfect! And now—” she took a bite of the slice. “We eat!”

“Thanks for walking me through, that was helpful,” he said as he ate his own slice.

“Of course. It’s weird to just sit there and listen to stuff you can’t understand. If Ruth and her boyfriend were here it might’ve been more fun, the more the merrier on holidays,”

“I’m still having fun with just you,” he looked to her, letting her know he really meant it.

She smiled at him, just staring back at him for a moment. It was hard to believe this was happening right now. He’d met Elle less than two weeks ago. He only learned her name earlier this week. And now they were having a holiday meal together in her apartment. He was used to moving fast with girls, but not like this.

“Oh no I forgot the chicken!“ she gasped suddenly and rushed to the oven.

She pulled mitts on her hands and pulled the bird out in its pan. He’d forgotten about the main dish as well. There didn’t seem to be any smoke so that was a good sign. She checked it over for damage.

"It’s edible!” She declared, setting it down in the center of the table.

The two of them laughed before digging in.

—

Everything was delicious.

Flip couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a full homemade meal. Maybe thanksgiving? Or going over to Jimmy’s one night? Whenever it was, Elle’s meal was two times better.

Between mouthfuls of food, they found time to converse. He wanted to know more about her, she was unlike anyone he’d ever met. Funny, assertive, intelligent, and had a pretty dirty mouth after a few glasses of wine.

“So you grew up an only child? Must’ve been nice having some damn peace and quiet,” she commented as he spoke about his upbringing.

“It was lonely sometimes. I think my parents might’ve wanted more kids but it just never happened. And yeah, it was really quiet. I didn’t realize how quiet until I started going to friend’s houses. My dad was a military man, very reserved and serious. And my mom was always concerned with fitting in with the neighbors,”

“That’s gotta be hard if you’re the only Jews on the block,” she sympathized.

“Yeah, we didn’t really celebrate anything. Like, we had a menorah in the house but it was never lit. My parents said it was an heirloom and was too delicate for that, but I think my mom just didn’t want the neighbors seeing. We even had a christmas tree up in later years,”

“Wow thats really bizarre. New York had literally everything. No one cared what you were doing for the most part. A lot of our neighbors were Jewish so there was never a second thought celebrating anything. I suppose that’s why my parents came here, the freedom of religion. There wasn’t much of that in Germany before they came over. Now they like to go all out,”

“They came before the war then?” he asked.

“Yep, 1937. They had my sister just a few months after arriving in America. Kind of an anchor baby, but don’t tell her that,”

“Do you speak German then?”

“German, Yiddish and Hebrew. They taught us German at home and we learned Hebrew in Hebrew school. We learned a little Yiddish too, but that’s just for talking at home, mostly simple stuff. I kinda wish I knew more,”

“Well, that’s still three more languages than I can speak,”

“I thought of going to school to study language. But then my mother said that’d be a good way to meet a husband and I decided to switch to nursing so I could make enough money on my own. And maybe to piss her off a bit,”

Flip laughed. He knew a lot of women went to college to get their MRS. degree, but he hadn’t heard of one who went to specifically avoid marriage.

“I’m sure she was thrilled. Eight hours away, protesting the war, and wearing pants,” he mused.

“Oh, she was ready to arrange a marriage at that point. I made the mistake of bringing home a box of rubbers one holiday break. She snooped around my bag and found it, I thought she was going to drop dead right there,”

He roared with laughter at the thought. Condoms were a very scandalous thing for a single woman to be carrying around in the 1960’s. For her even to obtain them was a mystery he thought was best unsolved. She was certainly ready to cause trouble at ever turn, and he loved it.

“I stole a cigarette from my father in middle school and went to the edge of the base to smoke it. One of the other officers caught me and told my dad. I don’t think I was more scared in my life than coming home and finding him in the living room with a belt next to him,”

She gasped before laughing again.

“Well was it worth it?”

“I smoke the same brand as him after all these years, it all worked out somehow,”

“I’m having trouble picturing you as a little trouble-maker, officer Zimmerman,” she confided, lips turned up.

“And I can’t see you as prim and proper. I saw you in your nurse uniform just a few days ago, looking all professional and crisp but then you’re telling me stories that make you out to be a hell-raiser,”

“I was a part of the National Organization for Women back in New York and Indiana, not to keep adding on to your narrative,”

N.O.W. was something he’d read about in the news, or seen on tv. A feminist group that was often demonized and dismissed. Passed off as a bunch of crazy women looking to achieve something that would never come about. He’d take those news stories with a grain of salt. He saw nothing wrong with a strong woman.

“A bra burn-er huh? You might need them here in Colorado, it gets pretty cold you know,” he teased.

“I’ll have you know my bras are fully in tact, thank you very much! We were more focused on getting the Equal Rights Amendment passed,” she informs him.

“Best of luck getting anything passed in Congress. But maybe there’s a chapter around here you could join,” he offered.

“You’re okay with me being a feminist?” she asked.

He was taken aback for a moment, unsure of how to answer that.

“Yeah. I don’t see anything wrong with that. Gotta be passionate about something, right?”

“And what are you passionate about Flip Zimmerman?” she rested her chin on her hand as she waited for his response.

He didn’t have one.

“I’m not sure,” he admitted. “But this chicken sure is a forerunner,”

She gave him an odd little smile, somewhere between amusement and pity.

“You can take some home if you’d like, there’s more than enough,”

“I might have to take you up on that,”

They talked the night away, moving from the table to the couch once they were both full. The wine bottle followed them, perching on the coffee table as they spoke. They were just touching, her figure curled up on the cushion next to him, the two of them facing each other in the dim light.

She made him laugh like crazy and he did the same. They exchanged more childhood stories, and he filled her in on some of the more wild cases he’d been apart of on the force. Once they had both finished their last glass, things started to get heated.

What was ‘just touching’ became his large hand resting on her thigh. She rested her hand on his bicep as they spoke. And slowly, their faces grew closer and closer together until their words died on their lips. He was the one who bridged the gap, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. He was testing his luck, seeing if she was feeling the same way he was. She quickly returned the kiss, deepening between them.

It wasn’t long before the two of them were making out on her couch like teenagers. She moved to his lap, straddling him as they kissed. His hands settled on her waist and her’s rested on his shoulders. Flip hadn’t done this in a long while, just kiss a girl, really take his time. It was nice.

She broke a part their kiss, touching her nose to his as she spoke with a hushed tone.

“I have another bottle of wine we could open if you wanna stay a while,”

He thought about it. Of course he wanted to spend the night with her, she was fucking gorgeous. He would spend every night with her if he could. But that was part of the problem.

He wasn’t going to be able to one-and-done it with Elle. He liked her too much. He liked getting to know her and eating dinner with her and even preparing dinner with her. He wanted to get to know a girl with her clothes still on. Who was he turning in to?

New year, new Flip Zimmerman.

“As much as I would love that sweetheart, I gotta get up early for work tomorrow,” he heard himself say.

She looked disappointed. He felt disappointed in himself, to be honest.

“But this was nice. I’d like to do it again sometime,” he assured.

“You know Rosh Hashanah only happens once a year, right?” she teased. He chuckled.

“I mean us getting together and having a good time. Maybe more of this?” He accentuated his words by rubbing his hands down her sides.

“I think that could be arranged,” she hummed. “Yom Kippur in next week, I suppose you don’t so anything for that either?”

“I can’t say I do,”

“Well if you’re not up for fasting, you’re welcome to break fast with me. Maybe with some Chinese food from the place around the corner?”

“I’d like that. Not the fasting part, but after,”

She kissed him again, looping her arms around his neck as if to keep him there just a little bit longer. He felt himself getting tighter in his jeans, a sign that he should stop before the alcohol makes any major decision for them. He broke the kiss, lifting her from his lap with ease before setting her on her feet.

Her curls were slightly disheveled and her blouse was un-tucking but she still looked beautiful. She ran a finger over his Star of David before trailing into the next room.

“I’ll pack some of this up for you. You can get the Tupperware back to me whenever, there’s no rush,” she called from the other room.

he awkwardly stood on the doorway of the kitchen as she worked, not wanting to get in her way. She seemed to know what she was doing.

“You need any help with the clean up?” he asked.

“No, thanks for asking but don’t worry about it. It’ll help me sober up,” she joked. At least he wasn’t the only one who needed the break from the wine.

She strode over to him, three pink Tupperware containers in hand. He took them into his arms, cradling them so they wouldn’t fall.

“I hope that’s enough,” she chewed at her lip.

“More than enough, thank you. And thank you for inviting me over. I hope your friend feels better,”

“I’ll tell her you said that, thanks. So I’ll see you soon?” she looked up at him with eager eyes. He had a feeling not just anyone got to see that.

“I’ll give you a ring tomorrow if you want. Around eight?”

Her face lit up.

“Perfect, I’ll hold you to it,” she warned him.

“Alright. Happy New Year Elle,”

“L’Shana Tova Flip,”

He swooped down to give her one last kiss before walking out the door.

“L’shana Tova” he mumbled as he walked down the hall, Tupperware in hand and a small grin on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The light irony of having a Jewish New Year chapter released around the first week of 2019. Happy New Year! I tried to write Rosh Hashanah to the best of my ability, my family is on the Lite™ end of Judaism, so I asked a lot of friends about their family’s customs to help make sure everything was good. If anyone does anything differently, I’d love to hear it!
> 
> -For those who don’t celebrate Rosh Hashanah, it’s a two day celebration that is at the beginning of the seventh month of the Jewish calendar (which is different from the Roman one we use, thats why Jewish holidays fall on different days every year). It’s about the celebration and reflection of the last year, the latter helps prepare for Yom Kippur, The Day of Atonement. 
> 
> -Rosh Hashanah usually has a service you attend, but Elle is new in town and I would think too busy with double shifts to make it to synagogue (if there were any close by at all). Dinner can be a big affair depending on what your family likes to do. There is a lot of symbolism involved in the food choices, and with two nights of celebration there are different customs for each night. For example, eating a new fruit is customary on the second night, but that isn’t written about in this chapter as it was only the first night. 
> 
> -Kvetching is Yiddish for complaining/bitching
> 
> -Betty Friedan’s quote is from her book The Feminine Mystique, which was a huge influence for the second wave of feminism. She also co-founded the National Organization for Women (NOW). She also believed associating with the LGBT community would hurt Women’s Rights, calling lesbians “The Lavender Menace” (which is obviously shitty)
> 
> -the 1960′s was a turning point in the national attitude toward sex. The Sexual Revolution in the 60′s and 70′s made sex more of an open topic, but a lot of things were still taboo. Condoms for unmarried women in the 60′s were hard to come by. Also remember, Roe v. Wade was 1973. Abortion was still illegal at this time.
> 
> -I absolutely do not advocate punishing children with belts. But Flip grew up in the 40′s/50′s/60′s where corporal punishment was unfortunately a lot more common.
> 
> -I head cannon that Flip grew up on Offut Air Force Base in Nebraska. 
> 
> -I head cannon that Elle went to nursing school in Buffalo, NY. The State University system would have been cheaper than private school, which her parents would have probably appreciated. SUNY schools were really big on protests in the 1960′s and 1970′s, some of the schools even having uneven staircases installed on campus that make it more difficult to riot (no joke). 
> 
> -Voicemail wasn’t invented until the last ‘70s, if you wanted to call someone, it was best to tell them what time you were calling.


	4. Changes

_Still don’t know what I was waitin’ for_  
And my time was runnin’ wild  
A million dead end streets and  
Every time I thought I’d got it made  
It seemed the taste was not so sweet  
So I turned myself to face me  
But I’ve never caught a glimpse  
How the others must see the faker  
I’m much too fast to take that test

_[(x)](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dpl3vxEudif8&t=MTM4M2UyMDNkZTg3ZTNiZjVkYmY3ZmU4YmZhOGJlMmI1OTZmMGIwNCxGMWF3Um00RQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182146983964%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-4&m=0) _

 

 

It had been a week and a half since Rosh Hashanah. A week and a half since dinner at Elle’s, and Flip was just finishing up the last of the leftovers. He’d eaten it most nights for dinner, the Tupperware slowly leaving its shelf in the fridge for the sink once emptied of its contents. He figured he should bring the last of it for lunch though, and so he stood in the break room at work on his lunch break, heating up the meal in the microwave as his coworkers moved around him. Most were at their desks, but some lingered in the room waiting for the coffee pot to finish brewing the latest pot. 

“Nice Tupperware Zimmerman,” His partner, Jimmy, teased as pointed to the pink plastic lid. “Did you buy that yourself? Taking a break from plaid?”  

“I borrowed it actually, your wife’s been taking good care of me while you’ve been working late,” He was used to having his coworkers shit talk one another, himself included. Jimmy just brushed it off with a chuckle.

“So you’re seeing someone then? Does she know she’s not getting her Tupperware back?” He asked.

“Oh, I think she will be,”

“You know that means you gotta see her again, right?”

“Yeah, that is generally how that works,” He rolled his eyes.

“Flip Zimmerman, are you telling me you’re dating someone?” The corners of Jimmy’s mouth turned up into a shit-eating grin as he spoke.

Flip shrugged his shoulders in response, willing the microwave to hurry up so he can leave.

“It’s about time you joined the rest of us, can’t be a bachelor for forever,” He slapped his shoulder and walked out of the room, whistling a David Bowie song as he went.

He’d been the resident bachelor of the office for a while now, most of his coworkers were married and having kids, or already divorced. He’d listen to them complain about their lives and how hard it was sometimes and joke about trading places with Flip.

He shrugged it off, being married didn’t sound to bad. It was way too early to think about anything like that with Elle though. And she said she was a feminist, did she even want to get married? He walked back to his desk and began to eat the last of the leftovers, trying to push any thoughts of matrimony out of his mind. It became increasingly hard though after eating a few bites, the leftovers tasted just as good as the first night. His mom always told him to find someone who could cook.

—–

Flip wasn’t thrilled about having stakeout duty that night. It was sprung on him earlier that day by Chief Bridges, much to his displeasure. He attempted to call Elle at home, let her know he wouldn’t be able to break fast with her for Yom Kippur like they planned. He gave up after about ten rings, she didn’t seem to be in a hurry to pick up. He tried to recall if this was a holiday where she wasn’t supposed to be using a phone, but couldn’t remember. He’d make it up to her that night, bring her takeout or something. If he got off at a reasonable hour.

He and his partner were going to be helping a rookie infiltrate a rally, which was pretty slow work compared to the last few cases he was on. But at least he wouldn’t be the one having to physically be in the action, he could listen from the comfort of his car, monitoring what came through the wire.

The rookie, Ron, had been working in the records room up until that day. He was the first, and only, black cop in the whole city. He admired the guy for that, but he was still pretty green to be out working on the street. But seeing as the rally was being led by a former black panther it’s not like they had a ton of options in undercover officers.

He and Jimmy sat in his car across the street, listening to Ron flirt with a girl outside the venue. They shared a look of mild annoyance, hoping he wouldn’t forget what he was there for. Thankfully, when it was time to listen he got every word of the speech on tape.

It was a powerful speech, he could admit it to himself. He didn’t really get everything that was being said, but there was a lot of charisma and force behind the words. Once the speaker started mentioning the crowd should arm themselves against police, he felt a little funny. He didn’t want to think he was a bad guy for his profession. Sure he’d seen other cops do bad things, even cops in his own precinct, but he didn’t think everyone should be punished for it. He thought about it on the drive back to the station, but kept it to himself.

After debriefing the chief, he could finally head home for the evening. Luckily, he was out the door by 10:30, early enough that Elle would probably still be awake. He drove the route to her place, stopping at his favorite Chinese place to pick up some egg rolls and fried rice. He placed it in the passenger seat, listening to the radio and enjoying a cig while he drove.

He parked in front of her apartment, circling around back to take the clean plastic tubs out of his trunk and stack it with the takeout bins. He looked up at her apartment window to see it dark. He frowned to himself and extinguished his cig on the pavement. Surely she wasn’t asleep already, did she go out somewhere? Did she give up on him at sundown and go out to get her own food? A twinge of guilt ran through him at the possibility. Maybe he should have tried to call her again.

Just as he was about to retreat back to his car he heard his name being called from down the street. He turned to see Elle walking toward him, in uniform. Her hair was down and nurses’ cap in hand.

“Hey Trouble,” He called back.

“Hey Zimmerman,” She greeted as she stopped in front of him. She looked dead on her feet.

“I thought you weren’t supposed to work today?”

“I wasn’t. But they were seriously short staffed, I had to go in to cover for people,” She didn’t sound too happy about it.

“How does that work though? You aren’t supposed to work. Did you eat anything then?” He was suddenly alarmed that she could have been fasting on the job.

“I had some crackers once sundown hit, I didn’t have time to run out and get food after. I just wanted to get home as fast as possible-” she started.

Her eyes began to widen in realization halfway through her sentence, she let out a gasp.

“I didn’t call you to tell you! Oh shit I’m so sorry, were you waiting here the whole time?!”

“No, I was held back at work, I just got here. Come on, I have takeout, you need to get some food in you,” He placed his hand on her lower back and they walked toward her building.

They made their way upstairs in silence. He watched as her feet fell heavily onto the steps of the staircase, seemingly out of pure exhaustion. He also noticed she wasn’t wearing the nurses’ uniform from the last time he saw her in work clothes. The dress had been replaced with a long shirt and a pair of white slacks. They looked good on her, and seemed far more practical than a dress.

She opened the door to her apartment and collapsed onto the couch in her living room, prying her shoes off her feet. Flip went to the kitchen to put the Tupperware down and called to her.

“You good with egg rolls and fried rice?” He asked.

“That sounds so perfect right now,” She groaned. He could have sworn he heard her stomach growl as she spoke.

“You need to eat,” He called back, opening the containers and fishing out some silverware from her drawers. “Don’t worry about taking too much, you need it more than I do,”

“You’re the best,” she all but moaned. He tried to ignore how those words made him feel.

“So what happened today that you needed to go in?” He asked. 

He was met with an exasperated sigh before she began to speak,

“It’s a long story. Somehow the scheduling got messed up. One of the secretaries was getting married and a bunch of the nurses are either bridesmaids or were invited and so there was basically no one there today. And that would have been fine but our patient intake was way up today, some early virus going around. I tried telling them that it was a holiday when they called but they just sounded so overwhelmed and I would have felt guilty for not coming in. It was chaotic today but we made it work. The fucking doctors were no help though.”

“Remind me not to go to your hospital then,” he smirked, bringing the takeout over to her.

She gratefully accepted, kissing him on the cheek as thanks as he sat next to her on the couch.

Unless you come in wearing my uniform you’ll be fine. The issue was that I got in trouble for my uniform even though it’s totally okay according to the employee handbook,“ she said between mouthfuls of eggroll.

"What? How’d that happen?”

“Well, I was looking over the dress code because I’m sick of trying to work in that damn dress and it says women can wear pants. So I went to the uniform station and spoke to the ladies to see if they had any extras laying around. And they told me they never had any to begin with! Which is crazy because if it’s in the handbook we really should have it,”

“So I went to the store and bought my own pattern and fabric and made the uniform exactly to the specifications of the handbook. Using my own money,  _by the way_ , and I wore it to work today. The girls I worked with loved it, a few asked to borrow the patten, but then one of the doctors I work with told me it was inappropriate and he wouldn’t work with me because the patients would find it distracting!”

“That’s frustrating,” he commented, taking a bit of his own egg roll.

“Oh, that’s not even the end of it,” she continued, holding up her index finger. “So I told him I was up to code and he couldn’t say anything. And so he spent the rest of the day undermining me in front of the patients. Even when he was wrong! But it’s not like I can correct him because patients always believe the doctors over us. And then I had to stay late for an emergency case. This guy was so drunk his blood might as well have been whiskey. So we revive him and once he comes to the first thing he does is grab my ass! And the fucking doctor says it my fault because of my uniform! So I’m working on a holiday, fucking starving the whole time, and I’m getting fucked over by my staff and groped! I’m not even supposed to be there!”

“That’s fuckin’ shitty,” he sympathized. 

She threw up her hands as if to say ‘don’t I fucking know it’ before going back to eating.

“So that was my day, how was yours?”

“Pretty calm, lots of paperwork,” He said as he settled into the plush fabric of the couch. He wasn’t about to share his work with her fully, most was classified anyway.

“Wanna trade? I’m sure you could figure out how IVs work,” She teased.

“I could accidentally stick that doctor with a needle,” He teased back.

“I don’t think that’d go over well. He’s been there for a long time, and doesn’t seem to think any of the nurses can do their job. Even though we’ve had to correct his work more than a few times. He once prescribed a patient a dose that could’ve sent her into diabetic shock,” She grumbled.

“You can do his job better, and in heels,” He smiled, placing a hand on her thigh, “And you look better doing it too I bet,”

“You flatter me,” She put her hand on top of his and gave it a squeeze. “That takeout was delicious by the way, I might have to keep you around just for that,”

“I’m not the best at cooking, but I do know the best takeout places around,” He laughed.

“I can show you how to make some stuff, cooking isn’t really that hard. Just takes some time,”

“I’d like that Elle,” He said, letting her rest her head in his lap, her legs curling on the arm rest.

“So did you really just do paperwork today? Are you holding out on me with juicy police stories?” She asked, looking up at him with her big brown eyes.

“That’s confidential,” He smiled down at her.

“Ooh, so serious,” She furrowed her brow before laughing. “I get it, don’t worry,”

“I’m glad. You know there’s gonna be stuff I’m not going to be able to talk about. Right?”

“Ten-four, Zimmerman,” She saluted. “But you do look a little dazed. Like you’re thinking about something. I’m here if you wanna talk ever,”

He was silent for a beat. He wanted to open up to her, but he didn’t want to bring work home with him as well. He decided talking about the issue as if it was someone else’s might work best.

“One of the guys in the office was around for the Charmichael rally tonight over on the other side of town. He’d heard his speech and a lot was aimed at overthrowing police officers and making threats against us. It all seemed a little dramatic,” He said hesitantly.

“That sounds a little scary. Do you think they’d do that?” She asked, letting him thread his fingers through her hair absentmindedly.

“No. Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t think it sounded serious from what I heard, but hearing that a whole group of people want you dead isn’t great,”

“I don’t think everyone does. Not everyone in every movement is going to come from the same place. I mean, did Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X agree on how to achieve black liberation?” She reasoned.

“No. But it seems like this group was more for Malcolm X," 

"Doesn’t mean everybody is. Look at women’s lib. People can barely agree on anything. It’s a wonder we get anything done at all,”

“Really?” He didn’t know anything about that.

“Oh yeah. There are so many schools of thought and so many opinions it’s hard to keep track. You get women who want to burn their bras and the congress building, and women who think we should be as appealing to men as much as possible to get stuff done, and everything in between,”

“Have you burned any bras recently?”

“Mmmm, not since college,” she winked at him. Cheeky.

“But you all want the same thing, right? So why can’t anyone agree?”

“I mean, it’s hard to explain. We all want equality, yeah. But different people have different ideas of what that looks like. I’m sure it’s the same with the black liberation movement. There were plenty of Afro American women who felt left out of the big organizations back in New York. And lesbians. Equality looks different for them than it does for just your average housewives. And ignoring that can divide people,”

“I suppose you’re right,” He started thinking about the station and the people who worked there. “We had exclusively white male officers until about a month ago. We have a rookie on the force now. A black man. Some of the officers haven’t been very welcoming,”

“He’s probably having a hard time, huh? It’s hard to be the different one. especially when you’re the only different one,” She adjusted her head in his lap, making sure he didn’t pull his hand away from her hair. 

“I think he’ll be okay, he’s working hard. He’ll fit in soon,”

“I hope so, but what does he think of all this? Does he know it won’t always be this way for him? I can’t imagine it’s easy, especially with the officers giving him a hard time like you said,”

“I guess so. I’ve heard some comments about him from some officers. Some don’t seem to think he should be there, that he’s only there for diversity,”

“Is that true? Did he pass the same tests and standards that got you there? Or any other officer?”

“Yeah, and I didn’t say I agreed with them,” He felt the need to defend himself from her line of questioning.

“Did anyone ever give you shit about being Jewish? Can’t imagine the department is overflowing with us,”

“It’s not. And I don’t really talk about it so I’m not sure if anyone really knows besides my partner. It doesn’t exactly come up in conversation,” He explained. “Is it just you and your coworker at your job?”

“Yeep,” She popped the p. “And people have been kind enough to mind their business here, but past jobs haven’t been as gracious. And let me tell you, working in a place where you don’t feel wanted sucks,”

“So what now then? The rookie might not enjoy being the rookie, what can be done?”

“Treat him like anyone else. You guys treat each other like brothers right? The force is a fraternity. So if someone’s giving him shit, be a brother and stick up for him,”

“Maybe you should do some motivational speaking at the station,” His lips held a faint smile.

“I’ll hold a syringe when I do it, see if they jump higher than you did,” She teased, cuddling closer to him. “And for the record, I think it’s great that the CSPD is making an effort to be more diverse. Might eventually ease out some of the racism in this town,”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I just mean having an all white police force but a diverse civilian population is kinda strange isn’t it? It’s not exactly balanced,”

“The guys hired were hired because they were the best at the job,” He defended.

“So the fact that you have your first black officer in 1972 is completely separate from the fact that the civil rights movement was less than a decade ago,” Her eyebrow raised, clearly up for a debate.

“The police are there to protect citizens, were just doing our job,”

“Uh huh, that’s what the police said in Germany too while upholding racist laws. Even before the war began, they openly discriminated against Jews. Did you know we weren’t considered citizens after 1938? And before that, we couldn’t open businesses or marry any  _goyim_. Based on us being labeled as a different race. Just because something is a law doesn’t mean it’s just,”

“Yeah but that’s Germany in Wold War II, everyone knows the Germans were awful-”

“Flip, listen. My parents gave up everything to get to America. They had to leave their family and friends, most of their possessions, and their almost all of their money, just to get out of a country that didn’t even see them as human beings. They were harassed by police the whole way, and when they came to America it wasn’t much different. They stopped speaking German because during the war people would call them traitors, they stopped speaking Yiddish in public so people would stop calling them dirty kikes. That lived in one of the poorest neighborhoods in the city, a place where police would sometimes take hours to arrive after being called because no one wanted to go there. And honestly, after 30 years, not much has changed. Police can be racist, they’re just people at the end of the day and people have their own agendas. Not to accost your job, but you have to realize that to some extent.”

He thought about her words, contemplating all she had said. It’s hard to think what you stand for could be wrong. There were people on the police force who had messed up, hurt people on the job, but the brotherhood did their best to protect their own. It’s a hard job and they tried to assume the best of people in their ranks. He didn’t know things like that had happened in Germany. Sure, he learned about the holocaust but no one in his family had been though it. His family came from Russia in the late 1800s, they’d been in America for generations at this point. He’d never bothered to ask why they moved here, now he wondered if there was an underlying problem that spurred it.

“I understand what you’re saying,” He said carefully, his hand stilling in her hair.

“That’s all I need,” She spoke softly, untangling his hand from her dark curls so she could hold it. “I don’t hate your job, or your coworkers, or even police. But I think it’s important to acknowledge that there is a certain type of power that comes with enforcing the law that can be abused,”

“No you’re right. And this is very much just a job for me. I’m not looking to take any moral high ground with anything I do,”

“Does that mean I can punch that doctor without you arresting me?” She changed the conversation to a lighter note, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Hmmm I think that’s a little out of my jurisdiction,” His hand dragged down to her covered thigh, giving her a little squeeze. “I do like the pants though, for the record,”

“They’re just better!” She exclaimed. “I don’t have to worry about bending over or running. The dress is so impractical, I always thought so. Did I tell you I got kicked out of high school for a week for wearing pants?”

It never applied to him but he remembers always seeing girls wearing dresses and skirts to school, pants were strictly forbidden for girls. He smiled at the thought of Elle walking the streets of NYC in broad daylight after being sent home.

“What a little rule breaker. I really got myself a troublemaker huh?” He pulled her up so she could sit on his lap.

“But you love it,” She mused, hands running over his shoulder holster as she straddled his lap.

“I do,”

It was her lips that met his this time, her hands tangling in his hair in a way that would undoubtedly give him a few cowlicks. That could be worried about later though. All thoughts melted from his mind as her fingers ran lightly across his scalp. He caught himself letting out a small sigh at the sensation. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been touched like that.

Her weight across his lap shifted as she eased her body closer to his, deepening the kiss. His hands found their way to rest at her waist. Her pants certainly made it easier for her to straddle him.

Her fingers found their way to the top button of his shirt, working it open as she planted kisses to his jaw. A few more buttons were released, her mouth dropping lower to pepper his neck and collarbone. He felt himself growing stiff in his jeans, the familiar headiness of lust taking over his brain.

Elle had felt him too, giving him a knowing smile as she ground down on his lap. His head tipped back until it landed on the wood paneling behind him and he let out a low groan. His hands dropped lower, cupping her ass through the tight fabric of her uniform before tugging the shirt up to find her fly.

He pulled her back into a kiss, working to pry open the buttons on the front of her uniform, her smooth skin revealing itself bit by bit to him. Finally, they were undone enough for him to tug the sleeves down her shoulders, her bra coming into full view. It was white, basic, practical. But it didn’t really matter. She was gorgeous, and very encouraging. As she shrugged her shoulders to slip her uniform down, her breasts pressed together. She looked up at him with her big brown eyes and a small smile.

“Like what you see?”

“Very much,” his voice reverberated in his chest as he spoke lowly. He drew his hands up her body before resting right under her bra.

“You could spend the night if you wanted,” She rested a hand on the buckle of his belt, her palm pressed against his.

God, he wanted to say yes.  Here he was, this gorgeous woman sitting in his lap, hand on his belt, ready and willing. How could he say no?

But he knew he had to say no.

This was moving fast. Which he was used to, usually he wanted fast. To get the job done and then move on. But he wanted to take his time with her, he didn’t want to wake up in the morning and know he might never see her again. He wanted to make that clear to her, without sounding like a sissy.

“Maybe another night, Elle,” He murmured.

Her face fell slightly, before pulling herself together again. She cleared her throat and started to pull herself off his lap, clearly embarrassed. He stopped her before she could move away.

“I’m not used to this,” He admitted. 

She waited for him to continue.

“Lets say I’ve had a lot of first dates, but they never make it passed the next morning,” He tries to explain. “It’s been a while for me, since I wanted to stick around past breakfast. And I do. Want to stick around with you, I mean. If you want me to,”

She gave him a half smile before giving him a gentle kiss. She rested her forehead on his, their noses bumping together.

“I’d like if you stuck around. We can take it slow if you want, just have a couple dates, hang out. I won’t rush it. To tell the truth, i usually am too exhausted to do anything but sleep when I come home anyway,”

He chuckled, helping her shrug her uniform back up her shoulders, her bra being concealed once more as she buttoned herself up.

“I’m the same way. We have demanding jobs. But I’m willing to see if we can work this out if you are,”

“I am,” She remained seated in his lap, hands running across the leather straps of his holster. “More than willing, if that’s not too forward,”

“You’re straddling my lap and I just got to second base with you, I think we’re past forward,” He smirked. 

A laugh bubbled up from her throat, the genuine sound of it making him laugh too. 

“Point taken,” She got up from his lap and walked across the room to throw out the empty takeout containers. 

He figured he should head back soon, they both had a long day and could use some rest. His eyes flitted over to the clock, taking account of the time before his concentration was broken by her voice. 

“I know its late, but I think I’m gonna watch The Late Movie before I turn in. You’re welcome to stay. I’ll keep my hand to myself, I swear,” She put her hands up by her head before turning the dial on the television set. 

His mouth twisted into a half-smile. He could spare an extra hour or so, especially for her. He patted the spot next to him on the couch and she settled down next to him. He guided her head to rest on his shoulder and wrapped his arm around her waist. She smiled up at him before turning to catch the beginning of the film. 

They sat in comfortable silence as the intro music began. Elle watched the movie intently, and Flip watched Elle. He couldn’t remember the last time he hung out with a girl after dark and it didn’t end in someones bedroom. It was definitely a change for him, but it was one he was welcome to.

\-----------------

-Here’s what I imagined the [Tupperware](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.etsy.com%2Flisting%2F661350201%2Ftupperware-modular-mates-storage-pale%3Fref%3Dsold_out-6&t=YjZhMDI2NDI2MzgzMDljOTg5NTNjZTBjZTc2YTFhMWUzYWQxNTNiOCxGMWF3Um00RQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182146983964%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-4&m=0) would look like. Big square containers with pink lids!

-Yom Kippur is the day of atonement after Rosh Hashanah. You are supposed to fast and reflect upon your wrong doings from the past year. [This article](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Freformjudaism.org%2Fjewish-holidays%2Fyom-kippur-day-atonement&t=ZWUyNzY1MjYxOGI1MDY4ZTQyNzQ2NWMzMGZjMjhjOWRjMTdjNjdhMSxGMWF3Um00RQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182146983964%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-4&m=0) explains things pretty simply. It would be, in fact, a day when Elle wouldn’t be answering her phone if she was home. Also, even though Elle is on the Reform end of Judaism and she’s far from her family and is separated from a community like she had back in NYC, she is still pretty determined to keep with tradition even if its just her in her tiny apartment. It’s fucked up that she felt she had to go in to work, but being part of a minority religion (especially in a predominately Christian place like Colorado Springs) can be trying. I know I’ve felt obligated to work a few holidays in the past (working on being more assertive about that at my present job).

-[Nurse’s](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fcdn5.littlethings.com%2Fapp%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F02%2Fnurse-1970.jpg&t=ZWU5Y2IxYWE2NWY2ZjBjYzZhNjdjOTc2NGFlMWU2NTVmYmYyNGU3NyxGMWF3Um00RQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182146983964%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-4&m=0) [Uniforms](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2Ff0%2F49%2Fcc%2Ff049ccc80e7b9cc1dc21aac744163e7d.jpg&t=ZTI3YTRiNTQ4MWVjMzA4OWZiYTc3MGQzOWU5NWVlNmFmMjRkZTVkNSxGMWF3Um00RQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182146983964%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-4&m=0): Pants for women was becoming much more acceptable in the 1970s workplace. Uniform pants would have just started to become a thing for nurses, and I’m sure people put up a fuss about it (because what else can be expected honestly). Let Elle wear pants! Also, getting kicked out of high school for wearing pants is inspired by [this badass photo](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fephemeralnewyork.files.wordpress.com%2F2018%2F05%2Flincolnhighdresscode.jpg%3Fw%3D900%26h%3D698&t=NDcwY2I5NGY0ZGFlOGI0NTRlZmIzNTZmYzY5YzA3YWI3ZDY5MzE4OCxGMWF3Um00RQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182146983964%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-4&m=0). Its from the 40′s, but women in the 60′s still couldn’t wear pants to school in some places.

-Sexual harassment in the workplace (and everywhere else) was even more “normal” that it is today. The term “sexual harassment” was even credited with being invented until the mid-70s. It would be unlikely Elle would be taken seriously by any higher ups, a lot of women had to suck it up and deal with it (I absolutely do not endorse this, I advocate for shaming and making a scene if you feel comfortable with it).

-Goyim is plural for goy, which just means you’re not Jewish (and is not derogatory despite what dictionary.com has to say!)

-Elle was referring to the Nuremberg Laws in Germany when talking about her parents. They would have been subjected to a lot of laws as Jews living in Germany pre-WWII, and got out basically at the very last minute. Wikipedia explains the laws [here](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FNuremberg_Laws&t=MWQ1NzlmMjJiMDE1NGVlMmM4NjdkYjdjYzI3MWIyYzM2NjUwNjk2ZixGMWF3Um00RQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182146983964%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-4&m=0). It’s honestly kind of weird writing a character in her position. You see a lot of literature about the actual holocaust with Jewish characters, but I didn’t find a lot of stuff about the next generation and how growing up in the 60s/70s/80s would be for them. If anyone has anything they’d like to share, I’d love to hear stories! I can only learn so much from my own family, and love to hear the experiences of others!

-I’ve said it before, but New York City in the 70s was a dumpster fire. Elle loves her city but it was really not a super safe place at the time.

-Flip’s family came in the late 1800s from Russia, meaning his family was probably escaping the [Pogroms](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FAnti-Jewish_pogroms_in_the_Russian_Empire&t=YzI2YWU4NzE3ZGRhMjNiYjllNmI2MmU4OWFmZDVlNGFiMWUzM2QxYSxGMWF3Um00RQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182146983964%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-4&m=0).

-[The CBS Late Movie](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FThe_CBS_Late_Movie&t=ZTQ5NGJlM2EzOTQ5ZDczYTE3ZDhjNWJkOWYxNzZkN2QxYjY1ZDg5NCxGMWF3Um00RQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182146983964%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-4&m=0)

-I really don’t think Flip would be too aware of racial situations before this KKK case. He has that quote where its ‘just a job’ to him. I don’t think he would take much consideration in to the issues people take with police, but I don’t think he would be closed off to listening to people talk about it. Also, let’s face it, the majority of people in the 1970s were still kinda homophobic. Even if he didn’t hate gay people (for my sake, were gonna say he’s fine with it) I think he’d still be susceptible to using offensive terms every once and a while, like sissy. 

Thanks for reading, I know this chapter isn’t super interesting. Gotta get that character building in there, and get Flip to consider his career and how other view it!


	5. Bang A Gong (Get It On)

_Well you’re dirty and sweet_  
_Clad in black, don’t look back and I love you_  
 _You’re dirty and sweet, oh yeah_  
 _Well you dance when you walk_  
 _So let’s dance, take a chance, understand me_  
 _You’re dirty sweet and you’re my gir_ l

_[(x)](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DTVEhDrJzM8E&t=NTkwM2MyNjg5NjFlYzE0YmUzNmNmYzUxODA5MmI3YTgxMDgwOGRiMSxoRmd0YjhzWA%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182323091954%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-5&m=0) _

As soon as the chief called him into his office and informed him he’d be going undercover with the Rookie,  _as the Rookie_ , in order to infiltrate the KKK, he knew he wouldn’t be able to talk about this with Elle. Letting small day-to-day cases slip was one thing, but telling your Jewish girlfriend that you’re hanging out with a bunch of white supremacists at a bar after hours? He didn’t want to even think of her reaction.

He also wasn’t going to mention that he already calls her his girlfriend in his mind. It had only been, what, a month? Way longer than any of the other relationships he’d had in the last few years, but he knew this was different. Elle was different.

But he couldn’t think about that right now.

His focus was on the case. And how stupid this Rookie was for using his real name and his real voice while talking to the chapter leader. Flip tried to chalk it up to him being new, but this was just next level stupid. And now he was being dragged into this next level stupid plan.

So now here he was, wire taped to his chest, driving to meet a bunch of white supremacists in a parking lot on the far side of town. It was just another job. He just had to gather some intel and get out of there.

Or at least that’s how it should feel.

He tried to think logically about it, but when his partner reminded him to take his necklace off before heading out, he took pause. While Jimmy and the Rookie stayed in the equipment room, Flip headed over to his desk. He unclasped the chain from his neck and held the delicate silver star up to the light.

He rarely took this necklace off. It was a gift from his grandfather, his mother’s father, after he passed. It had been his grandfather’s fathers from when they came over from Russia. His mother wasn’t very pleased when he decided to wear it around his neck. But the cold silver resting against his skin became a comfort. He wore it along with his dog tags when he was in Vietnam, and under his uniform when he graduated from the police academy. He’s had many women gingerly touch it while engaged in pillow talk, asking him questions he couldn’t always answer.

And now here he was, taking it off for the first time in years, because he was infiltrating an organization that would kill him for wearing it. He rubbed the small pendant between his rough fingers, for luck maybe? He wasn’t sure, it just felt right. He lowered it into his desk drawer, closing it away until this case was over.

He vaguely heard Jimmy call him from across the room and he snapped out of his thoughts. He was motioning for him to get a move on, it was time to go. Now wasn’t the time to be sentimental, he had a job to do.

—–

Flip got back to the office much later than he thought he would. The clock on the wall of his office read 1AM when he stumbled in. He’d removed the wire from his shirt and helped Jimmy put the recorder back in the equipment room and then everyone said goodnight. He didn’t want to talk about the night yet, and his partners looked too tired to process everything with him. So he waved them off and told them to get some sleep.

They said their good nights and he sat down at his desk to root around for a piece of paper. He wanted to write down some key things from the evening, before the couple of beers he had would make his memory fuzzy. He scrawled some quick thoughts down before sticking the paper in his drawer for safe-keeping. When he opened the drawer, his necklace glinted under the fluorescent lighting.

Instinct told him to put it back on, his brain told him to keep it off. This case might last a while. He could forget to take it off one day and could land him in a world of trouble. He thought about Elle, how her Star of David peered out from under the collar of her uniform, proudly on display despite anything she might face.

What time did she get off tonight? It was Friday, right? So she would have had the late shift. He looked at the clock. It read 1:30AM. She would have only gotten off shift a couple of hours ago, she might still be up. Without much thought he reached for the phone on his desk, entering her phone number on the rotary dial with a practiced ease.

He probably shouldn’t remember her number this easily, or her work schedule, he thought to himself as the line rang. It picked up after two short rings, the line clicking to life.

“Hello?” Her voice reached his ears, making him breathe a sigh of relief he didn’t know he was holding.

“Hey Trouble,” He smiled to himself. “Did I wake you up?”

“Flip? It’s 1:30 in the morning, it everything okay?” Her voice shifted, seeing worried.

“No, everything’s fine. Sorry for calling so late. I had to stay late to finish a case tonight and, well, I know you work late on Fridays so I figured you might still be up. Do you want to go get food?”

“Food? At this hour? Is anything even open?”

“There’s a diner that’s open all night. Is that a yes?” He asked. He didn’t want to sound too desperate but he really wanted to see her after tonight.

“I’ll be ready in ten minutes, meet you out front?” He could already hear her shuffle around her apartment to get ready.

“See you then Trouble,” He hung up the phone, grateful she picked up in the first place.

—–

Elle was waiting on the stoop of her apartment building when Flip’s car pulled over to the sidewalk. She smiled as she saw him get out of the car and come over to the passenger side door to his car.

She was dressed casually, a pair of high waisted jeans and a t-shirt, with a corduroy coat to keep her warm. On her feet were a well-worn pair of tennis shoes. It was a far cry from her prim and proper uniform but she still looked great.

“Now what’s a pretty girl like yourself doing out at this hour?” He asked as she approached him.

“A handsome but very nocturnal man asked me on a last minute date,” She pressed her chest to his and stood on her toes to give him a quick kiss.

“Must be a pretty great guy to be up for him,” He smiled as he opened the car door for her.

“Eh, he’s alright,” She winked as she slid into the seat.

They drove to the diner, which was a few blocks to the west. It was an old chrome building, reminiscent of the 50s, with a long front counter and pleather booths lining the window. They slid in to a booth and a waitress came over with a pot of coffee.

They both decided to order breakfast food. Pancakes with syrup for her and bacon and eggs for him.

“If that’s okay with you,” He said hurriedly once he realized he’d ordered pork.

“It’s fine, don’t worry,” She waved a hand at him. “I don’t care what anyone else eats. Besides, my family is reform. We aren’t as strict about keeping kosher. My grandparents supposedly made some great pork schnitzel,”

“Alright then,” He chuckled.

Their food came quickly and they wasted no time tucking in. He didn’t realize how hungry he was until he smelled the bacon on the plate the waitress held.

“So how was your day?” She asked between bites of pancake

He chewed some eggs while he thought about how he was going to respond. A part of him wanted to tell her. He wanted to share his life with her, and have her share in return. He wanted to spend meals with them talking about their days.

On the other hand, he knew when he signed on for this job that discretion was mandatory. And he couldn’t risk his life or his coworkers for just a girl. Though he knew she wasn’t just some girl.

“Long,” He finally settled on “I was still at the office when I called you, had to finish up some paperwork,”

“That’s rough, did you finish it?” She asked.

“For now, its kind of an ongoing thing,” He tried to keep things as vague as possible. “How about you?”

“Today was calmer than usual, just some broken bones and stomach pains. I stayed a little later to cover a girls shift, she had to run home to check on her own kid,”

“I like how broken bones is at the light end of your job’s work spectrum,” He smiled at her, she smiled back.

“It was a clean break on his radial,nothing was sticking out and the bone hadn’t splintered. The guy fell off a ladder getting the leaves out of his gutter. He’ll be fine,” She explained.

“What’s the grossest thing you’ve seen in the ER?” He asked, adding another forkful of bacon to his mouth.

“Flip, we’re eating,” She cocked an eyebrow.

“I’m a detective, I see gross things all the time,” He brushed her off. It couldn’t have been anything he hadn’t heard of before.

“One time a guy came in with legs burned so bad you could see parts of his bones sticking out. His skin, where there still was some, was completely cooked and a lot came peeling off with his clothes. He’d tried to sneak a cig while hooked up to his new oxygen tank and it exploded,” she deadpanned, staring him dead in the eyes. “Most of the nurses had to leave the room to keep from throwing up. Burnt flesh doesn’t smell too good,”

Flip stopped chewing. Elle cut another section of pancake and continued her meal.

“Alright, you win,” He grimaced, pushing his plate away while thinking of how his bacon isn’t too far off from her story.

“Can I eat your eggs?” She asked, clearly pleased with herself.

“Knock yourself out,” He mumbled. “Maybe we should be hiring you to the force, you got a stomach of steel in you,”

“I’m good with nursing, but thanks,” She scraped the remaining eggs on to her plate.

He watched her finish up her pancakes while he drank his coffee. She didn’t notice at first, comfortable with the silence between them. When she finally looked up and noticed him staring, she smiled. He smiled back. Her smile fell a bit as she looked at him a little longer.

“You aren’t wearing your necklace,” She stated, pointing to his chest with her fork.

“Oh, yeah, I took it off earlier. Must’ve forgotten to put it back on,” He looked down, met with the bare skin on his clavicle that normally held the tiny silver star.

“It looks strange to not see it on you,” She admitted, finishing her pancakes and pushing the plate next to Flip’s.

“I’ll put it back on soon,” He assured her. He didn’t know when “soon” was, but he wanted it back on too.

He tried to toss some bills on the table after the waitress put the check down. Elle immediately covered his hand with hers.

“I can pay for my own,” She stated.

“I was the one who dragged you out at 2 in the morning, let me get this one,” He said, turning his hand up so he could hold hers.

“Alright,” Her eyes flirting between his gaze on her and his hand holding hers. “But I’m paying the next time we do this,”

“Deal,” He agreed, giving her hand a squeeze before pulling away.

They drove back to her apartment building, windows down to let in some of the fresh air. It wasn’t too cold out yet, and Flip was eager to get in the last bit of warm weather. As he pulled up to the sidewalk outside her building she turned to him.

“I have a some beer in the fridge, do you want a nightcap?” She asked.

Despite turning her down several times, he was appreciative that she’d still ask. Today was stressful, and he was damn near exhausted. He’d have to report to chief first thing in the morning to talk about the assignment and he knew he should head home.

But home felt less and less like home recently. It was a lonely apartment, barely room for two people. There didn’t seem to be room in his life for another person. But when he looked into her big brown eyes, he wanted to make room, just for her.

“Sounds good,” he said, turning the engine off and following her up to her apartment. He mentally checked to make sure nothing conspicuous was hanging out of his car in case anyone walked by, on the very off chance.

The walk up to her floor was quiet, with him trying not to stare at her ass too much as he followed her up the stairs. Her jeans clung to her figure, moving with her as she swayed her hips. He willed himself to think of literally anything else.

She opened the door to her apartment, letting them both in, before closing and locking it.

———

“So you’re telling me that you can’t handle one story about bones poking out but they made you a detective?” Elle smirked.

It was only a few moment later that they found themselves sitting at her kitchen table. They both held their own Coors in one hand, their other hands just barely touching one another from across the table. It wasn’t long before the conversation had turned back to gross job stories.

“I’m not a homicide detective, its narcotics. We deal with drugs more than death,” He countered.

“That explains why that guy you were harassing at my job was such a pain. I had to stop the girls from using one kind of pain medication because it was messing with his blood pressure. He must’ve had something in his system still,”

“You’re such a good nurse, treating suspected mafia affiliates even when they’re handcuffed to the bed,” He teased, his large fingers moving to cover her hand.

“It made it harder for him to try and grab my ass,” She laughed, turning her palm upward so she could trace her fingers along his hand.

“Kinda sad I couldn’t see you in your uniform today, it’s a good look on you,” 

“Well, find a new criminal to arrest and maybe you’ll see me at work again,” She leaned a little closer to him, her voice dropping to a sensual tone. 

“Do you think I could get away with a grab Nurse Blum?” He matched her motions.

“I think I’d let you get away with it, as long as I get something out of it too,”

“What do you want?” His voice was low, both of them barely breathing as he waited for her answer.

She leaned over the corner of the table separating them, bracing herself in the wood as her lips met his. She tasted of Coors, and he was sure he did too.

His hand fully covered hers as he kissed back. He wanted this. He wanted her. He knew his job was demanding and that his timing was shit for deciding this after starting an undercover operation. But Elle was different, he could feel it. She was good for him, and he wanted to be good for her in return.

His hand left hers and reached out to stroke her waist, encouraging her to come closer. She got the message and moved from her chair to his lap while continuing the kiss. His tongue brushed along her bottom lip, begging for entrance that she soon granted.

They must’ve looked like a couple of teenagers, making out at the kitchen table when the adults weren’t supervising. She angled herself so she was straddling his lap, the seams of their jeans touching. He could feel himself start to strain against the denim, he was sure she’d feel it too. He held her to his frame, one hand on the small of her back, one hand in the back pocket of her Levi’s.

She broke the kiss, lips flush from contact and eyes hooded with lust.

“Stay the night?” She asked.

They’d been dancing around this for weeks. She’d asked him before, and he declined because of work. But work be damned, he wanted her. He was sure of this, he wanted to give into his feelings for once and let himself have more than a one night fling. And Eliana Blum was more than a one night fling.

“Please,” his voice was low and too needy for his liking but she didn’t mind.

She smiled at him, rubbing her nose against his before giving him a quick kiss. She got up from his lap, taking the hand that rested in her jean pocket and lightly tugging him out of his seat. He followed her across the small apartment into her open bedroom.

She pulled him into a heated kiss as they stood in the dim light, the back his legs knocking against the bed frame. She let him sit down on the edge before standing between his legs. She ran a hand through his hair and looked down at him. Her curls were falling in her face but didn’t obscure her eyes as she looked at him with adoration.

She moved his hand to the fly of her jeans, giving him silent permission to undress her. He obliged, his large fingers unbuttoning the denim encasing her hips.

He slid the fabric of her tucked in t-shirt up her stomach. Slowly, as if unwrapping a present. When he reached just under her breasts he stopped, not wanting to go further without her permission.

She lifted his hands higher, letting him come into contact with the lace covering her plush chest. Her shirt left her body, allowing her to stand in front of him in just her jeans and the lace bra that did nothing to conceal her pink nipples. He groaned at the sight, pressing forward to bury his face in the valley between her breasts.

Her skin was soft and warm around him, he could feel her heart fluttering in her chest. He was careful not to scratch her perfect skin with his facial hair as he turned his head, eager to watch as he brushed a finger over a pert nipple. Her back arched ever so slightly as she let out a shaky breath.

Her hands once again guided his own down to her unbuttoned jeans. He tugged the denim down her figure, revealing a pair of smalls that were made of the same lace as her bra. He chuckled to himself as she stepped out of her jeans. He ran his hands up her thighs as he spoke.

“Do you always wear stuff like this?”

“I might have been hoping you’d stick around tonight,” She smiled. “I dressed accordingly,”

She braced her hands on his chest and straddled his lap, bringing herself down to his level.

“I’m glad I chose to stay then,” He murmured before pulling her into a kiss.

They kissed passionately, her arms looping around his neck to bring him closer. He clutched her waist, holding her firmly against his growing erection. She rolled her hips against him, making him stifle a moan against her lips.

“I think I’m a little overdressed,” He whispered in her ear.

She kissed him again, moving her delicate fingers to unbutton his flannel. Her hands worked to slide the fabric from his shoulders. They broke apart long enough for his undershirt to be pulled over his head, the two of the quickly meeting again as she began to un-do his jeans. He stopped her just as she began to tug down the heavy denim.

“Lie down sweetheart, lemme take care of you,” He lifted her from his lap, placing her in the center of the bed.

He stood up and let his pants slide off, kicking them into the pile of clothes growing on her floor. As soon as he was freed he covered her bare frame with his own, propping his weight on his elbows at either side of her head. She palmed at him through the cotton of his boxers, making him let out a low moan.

He kissed down her neck to her chest, teasing her through the lace. She arched her back enough for him to unclasp the bra and he slowly pulled away the fabric, leaving her bare in front of him. He brought his calloused palm across her soft skin, stopping to roll a nipple between his fingers.

Her eyes shut and she let out a moan so pretty it made him twitch. He had to make her do that again. He traveled further down her figure, stopping at the apex of her thighs.  

The lace of her smalls, much like her bra, did little to conceal her. He ran a tentative stroke down from the waist and over to her core, ghosting over her clit. She let out a whine, biting her lip to keep quiet.

“Let me hear you sweetheart,” He murmured, pulling at the elastic at her hips.

“Flip I have neighbors,” She warned “We can’t be too loud,”

"What are they gonna do? Call the cops?” He smirked, sliding the fabric down her legs to fully expose her to his gaze.

“You’re pushing your luck Zimmerman-” Her scolding was cut off with a yelp as he buried his face between her thighs without warning.

He took a deep breath, letting the scent of her dark curls surround him as he moved her legs further apart. He curled his arms around her thighs, keeping her still as he went to work.

He flattened his tongue and ran it along her slit, groaning as he finally got to taste her. He’d barely begun before he felt his chin start to grow wet. It only encouraged him to work harder, to collect every drop of her she gave him. A hand reached down to run through his hair as his mouth moved against her. Flip looked up to watch her, to see how she was reacting to his ministrations. The sounds she was making were delicious but the sight of her splayed out on her sheets, hair fanned out around her, eyes closed and mouth open to a perfect “o”, he could’ve died happy right then.

He unhooked an arm from around her thigh, bringing it to her entrance and brushing against it lightly. Her hips bucked up involuntarily and he slowly slid a thick finger inside, relishing the way she moaned in response. His mouth moved to focus on her clit as he pumped in and out of her, adding another finger when she was begging for more. He held her hips down with his other arm as she began to rock her hips against his face.

She was calling his name, the hand in his hair tightening its grip as she grew closer and closer to climax. It wasn’t long before his own hip started rocking, rutting against the mattress in an attempt to relieve the pressure building below.

“Fuuuuck,” She groaned as she threw her head back onto the pillow. “You feel so good, I don’t think I–,”

“You don’t have to baby, let go for me, I wanna hear you,” He wanted to see her come undone under him. He wanted to taste her, please her, take care of her.

The pace of his fingers sped up, making sure to brush up against her walls in a way he’d learned through experience drove girls crazy. Sure enough, she squirmed under him and rolled her hips toward him. His tongue eagerly pressed against her clit, spelling out incoherent phrases as she squealed above him.

He could feel her tighten around him, like a coiled spring ready to release. Her whole body was tensing under him, he looked back up to her face, watching her eyes squeeze shut and her free hand grasp at the sheets as she tried to ground herself. With a few more stroked of his fingers and expertly drawn letters with his tongue, she was trying to choke out words meant for him.

“Flip, I’m— I’m—” was as far as Elle got before she interrupted herself with a desperate moan.

With his fingers curled against her g-spot and his mouth sucking against her clit, she came. The fingers intwined in his hair were shaky as she loosened her grip, the aftershocks of her orgasm still flowing through her. He coaxed her down from her high, gently moving against her until her body began to squirm from overstimulation. He wiped his face on his arm, licking off any cum she managed to get on his mustache before crawling back up her body to meet her face again.

“How was that?” He asked, pressing kisses against her flushed skin.

Her eyes fluttered open and she untangled her hand from his hair, using it to guide his lips to hers. She kissed him, no doubt tasting herself; a thought that caused him to let out a muffled moan.

“If you keep giving me orgasms like that, I might have to keep you around,” She murmured.

He felt pride swell in his chest and he pulled her into another kiss. His rock-hard erection was pressing into her thigh and she shifted slightly in order to give him some much-needed friction. He rutted against her before he could stop himself and she laughed against his lips.

“I think it might be my time to take care of you,”

Elle reached down and stroked him through the fabric of his boxers. A small wet patch was collecting on the fabric as she pulled them down past his hips and his long limbs. He inhaled sharply as the cool air hit his hot member. He was so hard he was throbbing, the head turning purple from neglect. He shifted his hips, looking for any relief he could get.

“I’m on the pill,” She said suddenly. She looked up at him, big brown eyes breaking through the lust to address something serious. “I have some condoms too, if you want,”

He’d heard of “the pill”. Birth control had only been made available for unmarried women last year. Before it had been only for married couples, and only if the husband allowed it. Some of the men in the office weren’t very trusting of it, saying it made women more promiscuous. He’d been the victim of a pregnancy scare before, so he wasn’t against the use of contraceptives. He’d wear condoms with his one night stands, despite them feeling a little too snug against him sometimes. He wanted to be tied down for the right reasons with the right woman, not because of a preventable accident.

Though the way Elle was currently looking at him made him sure he didn’t want a condom. He wanted to feel every inch of her as best he could.

“Pill’s fine, I’m clean,” He growled pouncing back on top of her.

The two of them were frantic, desperate to explore every inch of one another. Their hands moved across each other’s bodies, groping and tweaking and kissing. He was above her, pressing her body into the mattress with his weight, his cock nudging at her entrance. She pushed him up, using her body weight to roll him on to his back while straddling his thighs.

“I want to be on top,” She bit her lip, awaiting his reaction.

His cock stood at attention, he was more than okay with this change in positions.

“Anything you want,” He murmured, running his hands along her waist to steady her.

She stroked him a few times before lining herself up with him. She held his cock in place, using the precum gathering at his slit to lubricate her movements. His breath hitched, giving in to her touch. His hands grasped at her hips, calloused thumbs brushing over her smooth skin. She lowered herself so the tip of his cock was  _just_  at her entrance.

“Are you ready for me sweetheart?” He asked.

She nodded, pushing down slowly, letting him penetrate her. He was on the larger side, and he knew it. He was used to girls eyes widening upon seeing it, or having to take a minute to adjust to his size. Elle moved slowly, rocking her hips to find an angle that would let him in deeper. She went too fast at one point, whimpering as her hands flew to his chest to steady herself.

“Take your time, I dont want to hurt you,” He coaxed, using a thumb to press small circles into her clit.

She gasped, eyes fluttering closed. She slowly impaled herself as he watched, her pussy stretching to fit every inch of him. When she finally sunk all the way down, she let out a moan.

“Fuck you’re big,” Her voice was strained, straddling between pleasure and pain.

“You’re taking me so well baby,” He stilled his hand as she got used to his size. After a moment she began to ride him, taking him slow at first.

She was warm and wet, her walls hugging him like velvet, fitting him like a glove. He tried not to rock his hips too much as she worked him, letting her take over. It was becoming harder as she began to go a little faster.

“ _Fuck_ , you’re perfect. I think you’re pussy was made for me,” He moaned.

Her hands gripped his shoulders as her body moved over his, stopping right at the end of his shaft before sinking back down to the hilt. They moaned together, his hands pressing into her delicate skin as he felt his heart flutter in his chest.

He’d spent countless nights with women in their beds, and he could safely say no one he’d ever been with felt as good as Elle. Sex had just been sex up until tonight, a way to relieve stress and have a little fun. But this was different, he thought. The way she was riding him, her tight cunt squeezing him as the head of his cock nudged at her cervix, her breasts bouncing, nipples pink and pert. Every thrust pulled a moan from her parted lips, each sounding sweeter than the last.

“You’re gorgeous,” He groaned, moving his hands to palm at her breasts, tweaking pebbled flesh with calloused fingers.

Her hips jerked forward, and she lowered her body to be closer to him. She cupped a hand to his cheek and kissed him passionately. He took control of their movements, lifting his hips to meet hers, a hand snaking down to brush against her clit.

“Please don’t stop,” She moaned.

He could feel her tightening around him again. It’d felt great when it was just his fingers, but her cunt pulsing around his cock was enough for him to contemplate passing out from pleasure. She was getting close, and he was nearing climax himself. He wanted her to go over the edge first though, feel her around him.

“Don’t stop what? This?” He asked, his hand stilling against her clit.

She whined at the loss of contact.

“Flip,  _please!_ ”

“Please what?” He thrust into her harder, the headboard of the bed knocking into the wall. She was barely holding on.

“Use your words sweetheart, I know you got that filthy little mouth, tell me what you want me to do to your pretty little cunt,” He cooed, loving the little whimper she gave when he called her sweetheart.

His hand rested at her clit, taking care to not brush over it as he thrusted. He nipped at her breast as it bounced her his face. He curled his tongue to flick over a nipple before drawing it into his mouth to suck. She cried out, desperation taking over dignity.

“Please Flip, let me come. I want to cum all over your big cock, it feels—  _fuck_ — you feel so good inside me,” She babbled as she bounced on him.

He drew a sharp breath, considering her pleads.

“You wanna cum all over my big cock? Huh?” He pressed tight circles against her clit, her body jerking at the touch. “Do it. Come for me,”

That was all it took for her to go over the edge. Elle’s body seized up before going slack, draping over his own frame. She called out his name, pussy squeezing around him rhythmically as he continued to thrust. He began to feel his hips move erratically.

“I’m close Elle,” He gritted out, giving her a fair warning.

“Cum inside me,” She panted before pulling him into another fierce kiss.

With just a few shallow thrusts, he plunged deep inside her as he came. Thick ropes of cum coated her walls as he grunted. His whole body shuddered, hands flying to pull her deeper into the kiss.

Once they’d both calmed down, he continued to lazily move his hips against hers, letting them both come down from their high. This was perfect. The way their bodies connected, the way she was kissing him like it was the end of the world, he wasn’t sure he’d ever get enough.

She finally broke the kiss, letting them both catch their breath before she spoke.

“How was that?”

“I’m about to call off work and spend the next week between your legs,” His voice was deep and filled with lust.

She laughed, smacking him lightly in the arm.

“How was it for you?” He asked.

“I’m not sure I’m gonna be able to move fast enough to deny you of that. My legs are jelly right now,” She touched her nose to his as she spoke.

He gently guided her off his cock, groaning at the sight of his cum trickling down her inner thigh. His member was soaked as well, a testament to how satiated they both were. Before he could help her lie next to him she crawled down his body, her head occupying the space her cunt possessed moments ago.

“Where are you doing?”

“Just cleaning up,” She ginned, placing her hands on either of his sturdy thighs before licking the head of his cock.

His breath hitched. He would become overstimulated very quickly but he couldn’t bring himself to stop her. He watched this gorgeous woman trail her tongue up his shaft, cleaning him if their cum. Was is possible for him to orgasm twice?

Elle looked up at him with hooded eyes as she kitten-licked over his frenulum, coating her tongue with seed. He groaned much louder than intended, gently pulling her off him before positioning her on the bed.

“What are you doing?” She asked, propping herself up on her elbows so she could look down as he kissed her inner thigh.

“Just cleaning up,” He smirked before licking a wide stripe up her wet cunt.

Yeah, he wasn’t going to be able to get enough of this.

——–

NOTES

There aren’t a ton for this chapter, but [here](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ourbodiesourselves.org%2Fbook-excerpts%2Fhealth-article%2Fa-brief-history-of-birth-control%2F&t=YTFjMmYwZTI5OGU1YTM5ZjdiZmViMGJlYTIyMWUxMWQ4ZmZkNGI3NCxoRmd0YjhzWA%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182323091954%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-5&m=0) is a brief history on birth control from a publication that first appeared in the 1970s. It was one of the first books of its kind, giving women access to information about their health and about sexuality.

Different Jews have different feelings about keeping kosher. I had friends in college who kept kosher all through undergrad and grad school, and I had friends who would only do it for Passover. I have friends where they don’t even like the smell of pork and I have friends who chow down on bacon when we go to a diner. They’re all Jewish. But all in all, don’t be a dick about people’s religious dietary restrictions.

Elle’s story about a patient could be a true story. Oxygen tanks and cigarettes [are not friends](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.massgeneral.org%2FNews%2Fnewsarticle.aspx%3Fid%3D2091&t=Yjg0ZTNlNjQ2ZWZkNmQ1YWI3YThkNGQ4MmZhMjVkYWFjYmEwNzc0ZSxoRmd0YjhzWA%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182323091954%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-5&m=0)


	6. Beginnings

_When I’m with you_

_It doesn’t matter where we are_

_Or what we’re doing_

_I’m with you, that’s all that matters_

_[(x)](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DpizRRft3_8Y&t=M2YyNGM3MWI5MTMwMGNkNzNiZjM3YTYxZTVmOGIxOWUwYmFjZTk5MyxObEw4cFBjdw%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182481785916%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-6&m=0) _

Flip was surprised when he ran his tongue over his lip and it brushed his mustache. He was trying to get a stray crumb but instead was met with the taste of pussy. Elle’s pussy. Guess he missed a spot when washing his face that morning. He fought back a grunt as the tartness melted on his tongue, a reminder of his night. And the night before that. And the night before that.

After he’d spent that first night over in Elle’s apartment, he was there almost every night for the next few weeks. The only time he elected to stay at his own place was when his undercover case had him up at weird hours. He’d go back to his lonely apartment, sad to sleep in an empty bed. He used to purposefully wake up before his date, prying himself from their bed and leaving before they even noticed.

He was a big guy and would prefer to have the bed to himself. But the way Elle’s body curled up next to his just felt right. He’d wake up to the smell of her hair and the feeling of silky skin under his hand. If anything, it made it harder to leave in the morning. But he could control himself, he assured himself. They both had jobs to do, no sleeping in allowed.

He’d be fine at work most of the day, paperwork kept his mind busy. But little things brought his thoughts back to Elle. He’d catch a whiff of her perfume on his collar, or a stray piece of hair on his shirt, or her cum in his mustache.

He’d fought he urge to call her the first week and a half or so. He’d see her later in the day, there was no point of stopping what he was doing to call over to the hospital. It wasn’t until his job kept him from seeing her for three days did he finally swallow his pride and call.

Jimmy had caught him at his desk. Flip thought everyone had gone to lunch, and used it as an excuse to ‘call the hospital’ to 'get more info on Kukowski’s medical status’.

“You’re smilin’ an awful lot to be asking about a perp’s condition,” His partners eyebrows were raised as he clutched his coffee mug.

“It’s confidential, if you’ll excuse me for a minute,” He put his hand over the phone so Elle couldn’t hear, though the giggling in the background made him think she still could.

“You’re talking to that cute nurse aren’t you?” Jimmy’s smile took up his whole face.

Flip furrowed his brow.

“Thank you for the update ma'am, have a nice day,” He put on his authoritative voice, making Elle laugh harder on the other end.

“Alright officer, you too. I’ll see you at the diner tonight,” She responded before the line disconnected.

He hung up the phone and stood up to get more coffee from the break room.

“Get all the information you needed detective Zimmerman?” His partner called behind him, voice full of smug glee.

He was just met with a middle finger as Flip left the room.

——

“I wanna take you out,” He mumbled against her breast.

Post-coitus, Flip had taken to resting his head on her chest. It gave her easy access to run her fingers through his hair, and let him use her breasts as pillows as he came down from his high.

“Like a date? We were just at the diner yesterday,” She reminded him.

“No, like a real date. We can go to this nice Italian place on my side of town. They have candles on the tables and they dim the lights and stuff,”

“I mean if you want to. I don’t think I’ve been on a real date in like a year,” She mused, fingers scraping along his scalp in a soothing motion. He was practically purring under her touch.

“I’d say it’s just about time then,”

“When was the last time you went on a date? A real one, not picking up a girl at a bar,” She turned her head so she could look at him.

Her curls, which had been fanned across the pillow moments before, were gathered in to a braid and thrown over her shoulder. He was playing with the end of it, dragging the hair across her skin and watching her try not to act ticklish.

“I don’t know, maybe a couple of years ago?”

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t like the question, but why aren’t you married?”

His head rose from her chest as he propped himself up with his elbows. He looked at her, analyzing her face as he thought about how to answer.

“I am married. You’re my mistress, didn’t you know?”

_“Phillip,”_ She rolled her eyes. “I’m serious. You’re a great guy, respectful, good in bed, you got a good job, I can’t figure out how you haven’t been snatched up,”

“I’m married to my job is the short answer. Being on the force is hard. I work long hours, I can’t always be there, and I have to keep a lot of secrets,” He bit at his lip as he thought of what he wanted to say next.

There were some things he wasn’t quite ready to share with her, mainly that he was an undercover officer and not just a regular guy on the force. If they were truly keeping things casual, he wanted to keep her away from the more dangerous aspects of his job. If they kept this going and got more serious, he pledged to himself to have an honest conversation about his position, and what it could mean for their relationship.

“I had a long time girlfriend when I joined the force. Linda. We started dating right before I was accepted at the academy. She helped me through it, staying up studying with me, going to my graduation. My mom kept asking me when I was going to propose. I thought I wanted to, maybe in the next year or so. But police work kept getting harder. I’d be working long nights, had to cancel a few dates. Linda was okay with it at first, but it kept happening. I’d try to make it up to her, but I was new to the team and a lot of the grunt work would fall on me. Eventually she broke up with me, said she couldn’t take it anymore. She never knew where I was or if I was safe or whether she was going to see me that night. I understood, tried to tell her it would get better, but I knew I couldn’t make her happy anymore,”

“So I kept on with work, tried dating a few other girls after that but it was the same problem. They wanted me home for dinner every night and being a detective just doesn’t allow for that. Flings have just been easier,”

He didn’t realize he’d looked away from her while speaking, vulnerability bubbling up in his chest as he spoke. He looked back at her to see she’d been watching him the whole time. Her brow was slightly furrowed and her eyes tinged with sadness.

“I’m sorry that happened,” She started. “You deserve someone who understands,”

“You have pretty well,” He offered.

“My job is just similar is all. Long shifts, late nights. It’s a pain in the ass to work around, you just gotta find the right person. I thought I had, back in Indiana. I was seeing this guy, Abe. He worked at the university nearby and never complained about my job. He was the first guy who didn’t immediately try to get me to quit and become a housewife. He seemed to get that my job was important to me, that I really love what I do,”

“But?” Flip asked. Elle sighed and shrugged her shoulders.

“But once I got the opportunity to come work here in Colorado things started to change. Abe even talked about moving with me at one point, him getting a job at a state college down here. But the closer the moving date got, the more keen to stay in Indiana he was. It was just talk to him, a fantasy. He never really intended on moving, and never thought i’d actually want to go. When he realized what I really wanted, he begged me to stay with him. He gave me his grandmother’s wedding ring and asked me to marry him,”

“He didn’t really know you all that well then, huh?”

“No, I guess not,” Elle let out a dry laugh. “If I wanted to marry him, I would have by then. I think he thought it was romantic, a sweeping declaration of love. It really just cemented my decision to leave. I gave him the ring back and told him I was sorry. I took a Greyhound to here a week later,”

“I guess we’re both married to out jobs then,” Flip set his head back down on her chest.

“I do have to wear white everyday,” She noted, stifling a laugh. He chuckled at her joke along with her.

“We don’t have to worry about labels or anything right now. We’re just two busy adults having a good time with one another. No weddings or family heirlooms involved,” He assured her, his hand reaching up to play with the pendant sitting near the hollow of her throat.

“You’re the only guy I’m seeing right now,” He could feel the vibrations from her voice as she spoke. “I’m okay with this being more casual, but I thought you should know,”

“You’re the only girl I’m seeing right now,” He left out the part where even if there were others, he’d drop them in an instant to be with her. He knew he should take it slow, for both their sake, but he couldn’t help but feel this was a little more emotionally invested than just having a good time together.

“Wow, we’re really bad at this,” She teased.  “So, as two casual-but-currently-monogamous professionals, when is the best time for us to go on a date?,”

“Maybe Saturday night after you get off work? I can pick you up,” He knew he’d be meeting ‘the organization’ at Felix’s house earlier that day. It would be his first meeting with the whole bunch, but he didn’t expect it to last into the night.

“Only if we go dutch with the check,” She pointed at him.

“Of course,” his palm rubbed against her bare breast catching her nipple. “Now do you think we can fit one more round in before midnight?”

She gasped under his touch, giving him a sly smirk before pulling him into round three for the night.

——-

If Flip knew he was going to spend his Saturday being forced to take a lie detector test at gunpoint, listen to his partner throw a rock through the window of a klansman’s house, and then have to chase after said klansman to make sure his partner wasn’t shot, he would have chosen a different night for his date with Elle.

But here he was, heart rate still trying to even itself as he drove home hours later. He would’ve been fine if Ron didn’t throw a rock through the window of Felix’s house. He would’ve talked his way out somehow. What was he even thinking? A black man instigating an attack while the house was crawling with armed white supremacists? He’d spoken to him about it at the station after he left Felix’s, it didn’t go great.

Ron was more focused on trying to make Flip impassioned about the cause. Trying to get him to feel the same way as he did, even though that wasn’t him. He didn’t let personal stuff get in the way of his work, he couldn’t if he wanted to do a good job.

_“Doesn’t that hatred you’ve been hearing the Klan say doesn’t that piss you off?” Ron had asked him in the dimly lit records room before they headed out for the weekend._

_“Of course it does,” He’d responded. It was an easy question to answer, but it felt much more complicated under the surface._

_“Then why you acting like you ain’t got skin in the game, brother?”_

_The Rookie’s words were frustrating. He didn’t understand what it was like for Flip growing up. His family pushing away their religion and their culture to fit in, until they were left with nothing but a name and some disregarded family heirlooms hidden away in the closet. Him never feeling like he really fit in with his Christian classmates, but also unable to relate to any Jewish people he met. He was always stuck in some middle ground, somewhere between what his parents wanted him to be and what they tried to keep from him._

_Of course he had skin in the game, when the Klan talked about hating Jews, they were talking about his family. They were talking about Eliana. They were talking about_ him _. Ron wasn’t considering how maybe it was so easy for him to slip into the roll of ‘White Anglo-Saxon Protestant, cherry pie, hot dog, white boy’ because it was all he ever knew. It’s not like he’s parading around with these racists and heading on home to Shabbat after, he knew nothing about the culture the Klan hated him for being apart of._

_“Rookie, that’s my fucking business,” He gritted out, making direct eye contact with Ron. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore, especially not with his partner._

_“It’s our business,” Ron responded._

_Fuck that. He left him standing there in the back of the room as he lit a cigarette. It’d help calm him down._

Flip took a deep breath in an attempt to clear out all feelings from his work. He decided to focus on the night ahead. A date with Elle. A  _real_  date with Elle. He’d picked out his clothes earlier that day, his nerves getting the better of him. The black slacks and white polyester shirt were lying on his bed with a pair of dress shoes on the floor.

He slipped out of his work clothes and took a quick shower before re-dressing, his large hands buttoning the shirt with a practiced ease. He took a look in the mirror, smoothing down his damp hair into his usual center part before adjusting his cuffs.

All he could think when he looked at his reflection was of Felix pointing the gun to his head. It wasn’t the first time it had happened. He’ll, he’d been to war before he was on the force. And he’d been an undercover officer for the last three years, he’d had his fair share of close calls. But this was different. That gun wasn’t to his head because of something completely out of his control; his heritage. Something he didn’t even see as a big part of him.

What would have happened if they somehow found out who he really was? Would he have been shot over something so trivial? Was it trivial if someone wanted to kill him over it? He wasn’t even a practicing Jew. But would that have mattered?

He laced up the dress shoes and shrugged on his sherpa jacket before leaving his quiet apartment to pick up his date. He tried hard to push his work out of his mind, turning up the radio to let a Chicago song take up the overworked parts of his brain.

_Time passes much too quickly_

_When we’re together laughing_

_I wish I could sing it to you, oh no_

_I wish I could sing it to you_

He pulled up to Elle’s right as she was walking out the front door. She beamed as she saw his car pull up. He put it in park and was about to climb out to open the door for her when she yelled over for him to stay inside.

Perplexed, he sat in the drivers seat as she got in the car and settled in the passengers side.

“You don’t need to get out of the car just to get back in, I can open a dumb door by myself,” She explained, giving him a peck on the cheek after.

“If you insist,” He caught her face before she turned away, pulling her into a longer kiss on the lips.

She hummed with content as his lips pressed against hers, an emotion he felt himself. The world disappeared for a second, his problems evaporating when he could smell her perfume permeating the air around them.

They broke apart and it took him a moment to drift back to reality. With one hand on the wheel and one hand resting with hers in the median, he drove off toward their destination.

Giuseppe’s Italian Restaurant was a tiny whole-in-the-wall joint, with decor that hadn’t been updated since they opened in 1940. But they had some of the best reviews in the city.

Flip let Elle get out of the car on her own, taking a good look at her outfit for the night. Her hair was down, her dark curls contrasting against her fair skin. Her necklace rested against her clavicle as always. She was wearing a floral dress, made of a flowing material. The neckline was tight and plunged, showing a fair amount of skin, but the skirt came to mid-calf and was gathered. It wasn’t something he’d ever picture her wearing but she looked fantastic.

“A dress?” He placed his hand on her lower back as they walked toward the entrance. “Weren’t you just protesting by wearing pants to work?”

“I’m not at work, am I? I can clean up nice from time to time,” She wore a sly smile as they were escorted to their table.

Wine was ordered with dinner, the plates of food so big that they had to move the candle to the side of the small table. Everything was going great, the two of them talking in hushed tones and laughing in not-so hushed ones. They picked off each other’s plates, earning the occasional side-eye from some of the more refined diners. Elle would raise an eyebrow at them and they’d turn their attention back to their own table.

He was about to take another bite of pasta when he saw a man walk by the window who looked awfully familiar. Blonde hair, slight build, gaunt face, Felix-like. Flips blood suddenly ran cold. His eyes trained on the front window as the man walked by, trying to get a better look at him.

The man walked by, not bothering to look inside the restaurant. After a few seconds of studying his face, Flip determined it wasn’t Felix. He breathed a sigh of relief, trying to yet again push the image of a gun to his head out of his mind.

“Flip?” He heard his voice called.

He turned his head back to the table to see Elle staring at him, brow furrowed. She’d rested her hand on top of his, something he hadn’t even felt her do.

“You drifted for a moment there, are you feeling okay?” She asked.

“Yeah, just thought I saw someone from work, sorry about that,“

"Do you want to leave? We can eat the rest of this later if you’d like,”

“No, no, let’s finish our date. I’m fine, really,” He squeezed her hand, hoping to reassure her.

She gave him a look before continuing to eat. They filled the next couple of minutes with small talk, his mind still half at work as he thought about what happened at Felix’s.

“Tell me more about your family,” He found himself saying.

“Uh, what do you want to know?” She asked, looking at him with uncertainty.

“Why did they come to America? You said it was before the way right? Why America?”

“It’s the land of opportunity. Coming from 1930s Germany, where they weren’t even considered to be citizens, America was a paradise,”

“How were they not citizens?”

“Jews weren’t citizens under the Nuremberg laws. Even if they’d lived in the country for generations, like my family. Before the war even started, dozens of restrictions were put on Jews to prevent them from contributing. We had to identify our businesses, we had to be in a registry, we couldn’t marry outside our race-”

Flip’s brain clicked. Jews were considered a race, not always just a religion. He knew this, but something in the way Elle spoke of it brought back memories of events he hadn’t really considered before. The way “Jew” was said by kids in grade school on the playground. The way it was said in a hushed tone by his mother’s Bridge Club when she’s host them at their house after carefully hiding all family relics. The way it was spat like venom by members of the Klan, said like it was the lowest thing a person could be.

“What were the Nuremberg laws?” He asked.

“What are they teaching out here?” She half-muttered, looking concerned. “They were laws to systematically enforce discrimination against Jews. The holocaust didn’t happen overnight, the government worked for years to get Germany to see us as inferior. These laws prevented us from working and socializing outside our communities. Many fled, like my mother and father. They left in 1937, and had to give up most of their wealth in order to be allowed to emigrate. The rest of the family stayed behind, and were eventually taken to the camps,”

She grimaced as she spoke, rubbing her pendant between her fingers.

“My mother’s brother was the only survivor we know of our family. He came to the US to live with us after he was liberated. I’d never met him before the war but mama says he wasn’t the same when he came to live with us. He rarely talked about his time in the camps, and held a lot of survivors guilt. He watched everyone around him die, I can’t imagine what he had to do to survive,”

She had looked down while talking, and looked back up at Flip when she finished, seeming startled.

“Sorry, this is really heavy conversation for a date,”

“No, I was the one who asked. I guess there are a lot of things they don’t teach about the holocaust in school,”

“It’s a  _shonda_ , how can people be expected to learn from it if they don’t even know about it?” She slapped her hand on the table, drawing another look from a nearby table.

“They teach enough for it to never happen again,” He said

“I hope you’re right,” She sounded unconvinced. “But either way, my family came here with next to nothing. At least they got here, a lot of people who tried to come to America as refugees were turned away at the border. They had to go back to Europe, where many died during the war. My parents were fortunate to have friends here to help get them on their feet,”

“I don’t really know where my family came from. My grandparents on my fathers side came from Russia, but my mother never talked about her family. She said they’d passed away when I was a baby. We didn’t really talk much in my family if you can’t tell,” He tried to make light of the situation.

“Maybe you could find some records at your parent’s house. Or you could talk to your grandparents, if they’re still alive,”

“They’re not, but my parents inherited a bunch of their stuff, so I could ask,” He said, thinking to himself about how that might go. They should be more open to talking about family stuff. He was an adult for fucks sake.

He considered how different his life was from Elle’s. An assimilated military family in middle America versus an immigrant family from the biggest melting pot city in the world. Vastly different lives that somehow became connected. He caresses her hand with his thumb as he took it all in. The two of them sitting in this tiny restaurant in the candle light, talking about their lives openly.

“I like you, Eliana, a lot,” He confessed, unable to find the words to fully express his feelings.

“I like you too, Phillip,” She stopped the movement of his thumb so she could hold his hand. "And this date is nice, but I can think of some place I’d rather be,”

“Oh?”

She leaned across the table, lowering her voice for his ears only.

“In my bed, with you on top of me, fucking me into the mattress until dawn,”

He was grateful his hair covered his ears because they for sure just turned red. He felt his cock stir in his pants, his hips shifting to try to adjust.

“Were in public, you know that right?” He smirked, lacing his fingers with hers.

“I can’t help it if I want you in me 24/7,” She pouted, letting her big brown eyes work him over.

“Is that so?” He leaned forward, letting his lips press against her ear as he spoke.

“If you want my fat cock in you, you’re gonna have to listen closely Trouble. We’re going to get out of here, get in my car and drive home. You’re gonna be a good girl, I can’t be getting pulled over by a coworker because you can’t keep your hands to yourself,”

Her breath hitched as he continued.

“When we get back to your place, I suggest you take that dress off before I tear it off you. And then you’ll get what you want, do you understand me?”

“Ten-four, detective,” She whispered.

A few seconds later he felt her bare foot ghost over his lap. She must have taken off her heel while he was talking, and was now rubbing him through the fabric. The little minx. He raised an eyebrow at her, holding her foot steady with his hand. He was suddenly thankful the tablecloths were long.

“You said I couldn’t touch you in the car, were not quite there yet, are we?” Her eyes glinted and her mouth twisted into a devilish smile.

“Check please!” He choked out.

_______

NOTES

There aren’t a ton of notes for this chapter, its more of just dissecting Flip’s feelings and struggle with understanding his identity. Where Elle grew up very sure in her cultural/religious identity, Flip didn’t really “grow up Jewish” as he mentioned in the movie. I think he’d definitely struggle with his identity, especially when confronted with so much hate regarding it. 

Here’s a basic idea of what Elle’s dress might look like [(center dress)](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F474x%2F80%2F50%2F7e%2F80507e8a09a79b5cb34b215db105d8ca--paper-patterns-vintage-patterns.jpg&t=N2ZmMDczNThmNWRjYTRlZmJhOGZmYzM4NzU1OWMyMjZhOGU3Y2QyOCxObEw4cFBjdw%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182481785916%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-6&m=0)

I mentioned the Nuremberg Laws in chapter 4, but if you want to hear about the atrocities of the holocaust listen to the Mengele episodes from [Last Podcast On The Left](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.stitcher.com%2Fpodcast%2Fnew-york-city-crime-report-with-pat-dixon%2Fthe-last-podcast-on-the-left%2Fe%2F58274303&t=YjBhNzU5NDU5MmY4ODBmNzg0ZTdmODVhYmRkMTM0MzdkZDA0NzQ4YyxObEw4cFBjdw%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182481785916%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-6&m=0). It’s a three-part series and a little hard to stomach at times. I have a pretty strong stomach when it comes to true crime but this one got me a few times where I had to take a break (definite TW).

A  _shonda_  is yiddish for a disgrace/scandal. Its great vocab for overdramatic people such as I.

Thanks for reading!


	7. Go Away Little Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anti-Semitic based slurs and violence included in this chapter!

_Please go away little girl_

_Go away little girl_

_It’s hurting me more each minute that you delay_

_When you are near me like this_

_You’re much too hard to resist_

_So go away little girl before I beg you to stay  
_

[(x)](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D9oYrOtdlPsc&t=NTAyOTcwOGNkYzZmM2EzNTQwMGIwMmVkOTM3ZmUyZWFjOTUxZTFkZixKZ2RvTVZRQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182717886499%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-7&m=0)

Flip spent more and more time with Elle. The two of them had very busy and sometimes conflicting schedules but he was more than willing to make it work. They started comparing schedules to find more time to spend together. His was more erratic than hers, as the klan could call him at just about any time and he’d have to go, but she’d wait up for his call on the nights he was working. Or he’d wake up early and they’d grab breakfast at the diner before her shift. Or he’d sleep over on Saturdays after they watched primetime. They’d find time in the odd hours of their days for one another, and Flip liked that.

It had been years since he’d had a relationship with this much work to it, but he wanted to make it work just for her. He wanted to be around Elle, even if it was just them grabbing coffee before the sun even rose. She shined bright enough to make it worth it.

The last few days had been a miss for the two of them, Elle’s shifts making it difficult to find a time for them to be together. They had the odd phone call here and there, and he found himself missing the smell of her hair or the sound of her laugh. He’d scold himself, he needed to be a professional and focus on the task at hand. He’d already given Ron shit about dating a girl who he’d met undercover, he’d never hear the end of it if he was caught sneaking out of the office to give Elle a call.

Jimmy knew about her, and how they’d been going steady the last few weeks. He knew that might as well have been centuries in Flip Zimmerman time. Information was pulled from him rather reluctantly. As much as he loved every little thing Elle did, a part of him wanted to keep her to himself. Keep her separate from his work life and his friends, if only until his undercover case was over. Jimmy offered that they come on a double date with him and his wife sometime, which Flip said he’d think about. He didn’t want to scare her off by inviting her on dates with a married couple. He knew they were moving fast, but there was a limit.

Not being able to share all the details of his job was probably the hardest part of their relationship. He wanted to tell her that he was undercover with a hate group that despised people like them, he wanted to tell her about how that was changing his mind about his own heritage. It had taken having such an intense level of hate spewed in his ears every day to finally understand that this effects him too, and that this really bothers him. He just didn’t know how to explain that without also explaining the nature of his case, which was strictly forbidden by the department.

He’d seen it time and time before, undercover officers having huge fights with their spouses because of their jobs. The odd hours, the secrecy, it could chip away at even the sturdiest of marriages. He was determined to not let that happen to him. He made the fact that his job was difficult very clear, that sometimes he’d come home in an awful mood and won’t be able to talk about it, or that women might hit on him, but he will always be loyal to her. Elle would listen, empathy shining in her big brown eyes, and she would tell him she understood. She signed up for this, and they could work this out.

But things don’t always work out the way you’d like them too.

———

Ron had gotten the call right before him and Flip was about to leave for the night. They shared a look as he picked up the receiver and began to speak. They were the only two left in the office, the silence deafening as he tried to hear what was being said on the other line.

“Sure, sure, I’ll meet you there. What’s the address?” Ron said as he grabbed for a pen and paper.

“Uh huh, okay, I’ll see you soon,” He said, scribbling on the paper and hanging up the phone.

“That was Felix. He invited you to hang out with some of the guys at a bar on the north side,”

“Great,” Flip muttered, getting up to take the address of his partner’s desk. He read over the scribbled writing, trying to map out a route in his mind.

“Ready to get the wire?” Ron asked.

“Yeah, sure,” He sighed, shoving the paper in his pocket.

The two moved to the equipment room to retrieve the wire and tape. Flip stood against the wall unbuttoning his shirt, leaving the undershirt exposed. He began ripping off sections of tape while Ron untangled the cord and battery pack.

“I’ll be parked across the street, okay?” He said as he began to position the wire on his undershirt.

“No, park a little ways down the street. This bar isn’t in a great area, you don’t want them seeing you,” Flip corrected, taping the wire into place on his own torso.

“Right, okay. I’ll be there though. You remember everything from the last meeting?”

“I was there so yeah,” He muttered, the last piece of tape securing the microphone on his chest. He buttoned his shirt back up and shoved the battery pack in his pocket, using his shirt tails to obscure any bulge.

“Alright, you probably don’t have to stay long. Maybe just a beer,” Ron continued, grabbing the recorder and heading out of the room.

“Yeah, lets make this one quick,”

—–

He pulled up and parked his car in the place Ron was going to originally park. He could see his compatriots through the dirty glass of the bar window. He sucked in a deep breath before crossing the street and opening the door. Country music and cigarette smoke filled the bar. Felix noticed him as he entered and motioned for him to join them at their table.

“Glad you could make it,” He leered, a Coors in his grip.

“Yeah me too, thanks for inviting me out,”

“Get yourself a Coors and join us,” It was clear that it wasn’t a suggestion.

Flip did just that. He wasn’t really gathering any intel, he figured he wouldn’t be once he got about 5 minutes into the conversation. They were just shooting the shit with one another. Bonding. He still needed to show face for a while, let them trust him. But he really wasn’t enjoying it. 

At least being outside their normal bar made their conversations a little tamer. They’d peer around at the patrons in the bar, silently surveying and figuring out how much could be said. Nothing useful would be picked up on the mic tonight, but the more Flip hung out with them the more they would eventually reveal.

After he finished his beer, he told the group he was gonna step out for a smoke. He needed the break from their talk. They got exhausting really easily, even in a public setting. He shrugged his hunting jacket on and stepped out into the cool fall air. He took a breath of relief and pulled his cig box out of his pocket. It read Camel on the front, but there were hand-rolled ones on the inside. He tapped one into his hand and placed it between his lips. The spark of the lighter gave off a little bit of warmth, which was prolonged by the heated smoke that filled his lungs as he breathed in.

He knew it wasn’t the best thing for him to be smoking. He’d seen the cancer reports. But his job was stressful and he needed this. Besides. Hand rolled ones were better for you. He took another drag and glanced behind him to see the guys all focus on each other and not minding him.

“I’ll have another beer and then I’m going home,” He mumbled just loud enough for the microphone to pick up. He couldn’t see Ron’s car but he knew he was close by.

He’d smoked about half his cigarette, he knew he should extinguish it soon and head back in. He was resigning himself to turn around and walk back into the bar. It took him a second to get the nerve to. That was when he heard a familiar voice.

“Flip?” He heard someone call from his left side. His body instantly froze. He wanted it to be a trick of the mind. No, he needed it to be.

He turned his head slowly, catching a glimpse of the guys in the bar, still not paying attention to him. He turned his head more to see Elle walking toward him, her nurse’s uniform still on from her shift. Her necklace glinted under the streetlights glow.

“Flip, I thought that was you. I don’t usually see you on this side of town,” She smiled as she stopped beside him. Panic set it. What was he supposed to do?

“Yeah, its um, unexpected,” He mumbled.

“Are you doing okay? You look pale,” She moved her hand to check his forehead and he jerked away. He needed her to get away from this bar with these crazy racists. He needed her to be safe.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. You should head on home though, it’s pretty dark out,”

“You could always give me a ride,” She winked. “It’s been a while since you swung by, you’ve been busy or something?”

“Yeah, pretty busy,” He trailed off as he glanced back in the bar. 

He was met with the steely gaze of Felix, staring back at him, eyebrow raised.

“Elle, I need you to get out of here. Now,” He said without moving his mouth too much.

“What? Why?” She looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed.

“I can’t tell you what’s going on, you just gotta trust me," 

Felix was getting up and walking toward the door, the rest following behind shortly after.

"Flip, you’re acting weird, is everything okay?” She looked toward the men, following his gaze.

“Eliana I can’t be seen with you get the fuck out of here. Please,” He pleased through gritted teeth.

“ _Excuse me?_ ” Her tone shifted from worry to indignation. Her hands rested on her hips and she took a step closer to him. “You can’t be seen with me? Is that what I just heard come out of your mouth?”

“Elle–” was all her managed to get out before he heard the door click open. His gaze flew to Felix, who was looking both of them up and down.

“She givin’ you trouble?” He asked, eyeing the silver pendant around her neck.

He ran though every scenario of how this could go in his mind. She could accidentally call him by his real name, he couldn’t let them know she knew him, he couldn’t let her know he was undercover. This was a nightmare. There was no way out of this where someone didn’t get hurt. 

He breathed in through his nose, resolute in what he had to do to keep her safe. Elle opened her mouth to speak but Flip beat her to the punch, trying to keep her from blowing his cover.

“She’s just asking for directions. Told her I can’t help her, but I do know where the nearest bakery is with an oven she can jump into,”

Her mouth hung open in shock, unable to take her eyes off him. His chest felt like it was filled with sand. What he said worked, but he knew there was no coming back from it. The guys laughed, flooding out of the bar to stand around her in a half circle.

“We can help make sure you get there, got some room in my trunk,” Ivanhoe cackled, causing Felix to hit his arm to get him to shut up.

“It’s not safe for women to be walking alone at night,” The blond leered, taking a step closer to her. 

She didn’t step back, daring instead to look up at him. If she was scared, she didn’t show it. Felix reached his hand out, slowly pressing his index finger into the silver Star of David until his force pushed her back.

“You’re real pretty for a Jew,” He sneered, watching her stand up straight again, hands balled into fists at her sides.

Flip couldn’t watch this anymore.

“There are a lot of bad guys on the streets, maybe you should go,” His voice rumbled from his chest. He didn’t have to nerve to look at her as he spoke, but he felt her gaze trained on him.

She stood there, looking at him for a few moments. He finally looked up and saw her eyes were glassy and pink. Her lip twitches and she drew her mouth tight to stop it. She was trying not to cry. His heart fell to his throat and he fought to regain control of his emotions. He has to do this. He had to keep both of them safe. This was for her own good.

He felt his breath hitch as she finally turned away, walking down the street at a quickened pace. His throat felt thick and he forced himself to swallow and take a breath. He couldn’t seem upset. He just pushed away one of the best things in his life, and he had to act like it wasn’t a problem. But it was. The shame was eating at him, he had to try to make this right. He swore that as soon as he could get out from being undercover he’d rush to see her.

She was a yard or so away when something glinted in the street lights and hit her in the head before falling to the ground with a clink. She stopped for a moment to acknowledge what just struck her. He couldn’t quite make it out until he heard Ivanhoe snickering beside him. He motioned to his palm, which had a few pennies in it.

_What a bunch of sick fucks._

“Dumb kike!” Ivanhoe held another up, ready to throw. Flip brought his hand up to stop him before he could even think about it.

“ _Quit it,_ ” He hissed.

The guys stopped to stare at him. He recovered his composure.

“She’s not worth your money,” the words dropped from his lips like poison, making himself feel ill as he spoke.

They laughed and she started walking again, not bothering to look back at him. He took a long drag of his cigarette, letting the smoke fill his lungs, blowing it out before extinguishing the flame with the heel of his boot.

——

He was finally able to leave the bar a half hour later. He said his goodbyes and got in his car and waited until he was around the corner before he sped off toward the station. He was being reckless, he knew it, but he needed this to be over.

He could see Ron’s car tailing behind him and he pulled into the station’s parking lot.

“Flip,” He heard him call as he slammed his car door shut and walked into the building.

Ron caught up with him quickly, but didn’t say anything more as they headed toward the equipment room. He almost tore a button off trying to get the wire out from his shirt and off his person. He realized Ron had heard everything. That his words would always be on record to haunt him. His mouth tasted bitter.

“I couldn’t see, was that your girl you were talking to?” Ron asked quietly.

“Elle. Her name’s Elle. She’s Jewish. The guys were coming outside. I had to make her leave, she wasn’t safe there,“ His voice threatened to crack as he slammed the wire on the table and walked back to his desk.

As quick as his large fingers would allow him, he dialed out the number to her apartment. He impatiently waited to hear anything but a dial tone, bit nothing ever came. He cursed to himself and slammed the receiver back down.

"Flip, I’m sorry man,” Ron said quietly from his own desk.

“It’s part of the job,” he gritted through his teeth. “I gotta fix this,”

He took long strides down the halls of the station, letting doors slam behind him as he rushed into the cool night air. He threw himself in his car and peeled out of the parking lot towards Elle’s place.

What was usually a fifteen minute drive took him eight. He skidded into a parking spot and ran toward the building. He saw the light on in her window, a sign that she had at least made it home. He sprinted up the stairs, skipping two or three steps at a time, until he reached her hallway.

He was out of breath when he reached her door, but he didn’t care. He knocked a few times, calling her name softly.

“Elle? Open the door, I have to talk to you,”

No response. He tried again.

“Elle? Please, you gotta hear me out,”

No response again.

“Eliana I’m so sorry, I never wanted you to see me like that. But you gotta believe I was doing it to protect you. I needed you to leave. It was for your own safety. Look, I was undercover, thats my job for the CSPD. I’m an undercover cop and I was with a bunch of targets. They’re awful people, I needed you to get as far away from them as possible while keeping my cover or else they could have hurt us both,”

He heard the faint sound of her moving across her apartment, stopping in front of the door. He reached out and placed his palms on the wood in front of him, as if she could feel him.

"You can ask anyone at the station. I can’t tell you what’s going on, but I had to keep you safe, and I panicked and said a lot of things I deeply regret. I didn’t mean anything I said when I was with them, it was only to keep them from trying to hurt you. I told you, my job is dangerous. You have to believe me,”

His hands slowly balled up into fists as he was met with more silence. He placed his forehead against the door, eyeing the mezuzah on the frame, feeling a new wave of guilt wash over him.

“Elle, please,” His voice got quieter. “I know what it looked like but I  _had_  to keep you safe by any means. I can’t let anything happen to you. You’re too important to me,” He swallowed, as if to keep from choking on his words.

“I love you,”

He meant it.

He had to let her know, she had to know he loved her. That this wasn’t some fling, that he’d fallen hard.

A beat of silence was followed by her muffled voice coming from the other side of the door.

“Find some other dumb kike to tell it to,”

It felt as though the wind had been knocked from his lungs. He collapsed on himself, letting his weight rest on the door. He knew now, nothing he could say could fix this. He fucked up. He felt tears sting in his eyes and a burning sensation in his nostrils as he leaned off the door and slowly made his way back down the hallway. He wasn’t going to cry, he wouldn’t let himself.

There was no coming back from this. The best thing he could do was stay out of her life, he’d just mess it up more if he tried to stay. Before he could process it, he was back in his car and driving down the street as though he were on auto pilot.

He arrived back at his quiet, empty, lonely apartment and padded inside. His coat slipped from his shoulders on to the floor as he walked toward the kitchen cabinet. From the top shelf he pulled a bottle of whiskey. He let the liquor burn his throat, anything to distract from the dull ache inside himself.

He sat at his kitchen table with the bottle, the only light coming from the dim lamp above him. He stayed there for a long time, unable to find the strength to move. He played out the night in his head maybe a hundred times. What he could have done differently, what he could have said differently. Was there anything he could have done to keep her in his life?

The hate he had to emulate to hang out with the klan had been slowly chipping away at him. The comments and assumptions, the subtleties and the outrights. He was managing on his own, but Elle being introduced to their hatred was burning him to his core. She deserved better than that. She deserved better than him.

He took another swig of whiskey. A part of him had worried this would happen. Every other relationship he’d had failed at least partially because of his job. Why should this one be any different?

Though everything sure felt different with Elle.

Maybe it was better to be alone.

——————-

NOTES

So this chapter was basically what brought about this entire story. I’d been thinking about what would happen if Flip was undercover and had to sacrifice a relationship to keep both him and his girlfriend safe? So uhhh sorry! There’s like 7 more chapters to go so obviously things will change. 

I take no pleasure in writing racial slurs of any kind, but I felt it was necessary in this instance. I try to keep any dialogue from the klansmen in this story to a minimum because the amount of shit that comes out of their mouths isn’t stuff i’d want to read or write. 

[Smoking ](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.retrowow.co.uk%2Fretro_britain%2F70s%2Fsmoking_70s.html&t=ZGMyMTY2MjAwN2VmMDg3MDg0ZmZkMjljNDg3NTAwNDgxZmRmNTRmMSxKZ2RvTVZRQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182717886499%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-7&m=0)was still very popular in the 1970s, about half the population smoked. Warning labeled were introduced on cigarette packs in 1971. By the 1980s, the population of smokers had decreased by about ten percent.

The [origin](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FKike&t=YWMzNzdmNjZhMTNkNTlmMWViYWFhZWM2MWViNDU1YzJmNmEyODA5NixKZ2RvTVZRQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AwnVKaemSd1gO3FOVtdWybg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fbourbonboredom.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F182717886499%2Fa-reason-to-believe-chapter-7&m=0) for the slur k*ke has a few different theories

**Author's Note:**

> Each Chapter has a song from the era as the title. To listen to the song, follow the link posted at the beginning of the chapter


End file.
